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being all mixed up right now), but she huffed off and sat all by herself in the back of the room. And that made me mad. I didn't see why she had to act that way. So after youth group, when she stormed off without even saying hi, I never even went to look for her. I figured if she wants to act like a child, I'd just let her. She'll have to grow up soon enough as it is. Which brings me to another weird thing that I've been trying not to think about. Lately, Beanie has been talking like she might actually keep her baby. I think that somehow, probably from baby-sitting little Oliver or something, Beanie's gotten this crazy idea that she'd make a good mom. Now, I'm not saying she wouldn't, but why in the world would anyone in her right mind want to be stuck with taking care of a baby when she's only seventeen???

So, for me to say that Beanie and I haven't been exactly seeing things eye to eye lately is a gross under-statement. If you ask me, I think she's living in another universe, like Baby La La Land or Barney World or something. I mean, who does she think is going to support her and her baby? Certainly not her mom, Lynn, who hasn't called her once since Beanie moved out. And I've even heard that the government doesn't have too many welfare funds available for single moms these days. And this brings me to another sore subject. Zach. Now talk about an amazing disappearing act–you'd think he'd moved to another planet. But no, he still lives in town and still works for the parks, last I heard. And I'm sure he still plans on using his athletic scholarship to go to college, where he'll probably forget all about this baby business. But do we ever see him at youth group anymore? No! Does he ever call Beanie? Think again! Arggh! It just makes me so furious, I can hardly even write his name in my diary without tearing through the paper.

But while I'm ranting, let me say this–it takes two to make a baby. And, without a doubt, Beanie has done her part. (Although she's admitted to me that doing “it” really wasn't that much fun.) But it seems totally unfair that she now has to bear this thing alone! But that's what she's determined to do. She says Zach's only solution to her pregnancy (despite that “great” talk he had with Pastor Tony) is still abortion. And according to Beanie, he wants nothing to do with her or the child he's fathered unless she agrees to “terminate the pregnancy” (his terminology not mine!). And what totally sends me is that I used to really admire that guy. Now I think he's nothing but a great big hypocrite, not to mention a totally selfish jerk!

But Jesus says we're supposed to love, not just our friends, but our enemies as well. Grrrr! And I think the Bible says we're even supposed to pray for them! Well, I'll need some serious help to honestly love Zach, but I guess I can try to pray for him–maybe then God will knock some sense into the stupid blockhead!

DEAR GOD, HELP ME TO LOVE ZACH (BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I REALLY CAN'T STAND TO EVEN THINK OF HIM). AND PLEASE SHOW HIM WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THIS, AND PLEASE HELP HIM TO MAKE THE KIND OF DECISIONS THAT HONOR YOU. AND COULD YOU ALSO PLEASE SHOW ME HOW I CAN BE A BETTER FRIEND TO BEANIE–I KNOW SHE NEEDS ME, BUT WHY DOES SHE KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY?

Wednesday, July 18 (happy birthday to me!)

Yipeeee!!! I am now officially seventeen. You know, it's hard having one of those “late birthdays”–I mean, all your friends get to turn a year older during the school year, and you're just left behind. As a result, birthdays have always been sort of a big deal to me.

And the day started out nice enough, with my family singing to me and Mom bringing me breakfast in bed. (Okay, it was just Cheerios, but she did put a flower on the tray.) But even my younger brother, Ben, was up (no small miracle), and my parents gave me a sweet card with a big, fat check to be used toward my Mexico trip! And then Mom had gotten me this very cool jacket that I'd admired in a catalog a couple weeks ago.

Then some of the ladies at work threw a little party for me at break time (with a sweet little