It's My Life - Melody Carlson [31]
“That's really cool, Catie.” And then he smiled his brilliant Matt Damon smile, and I didn't even start a meltdown. “Thanks for sharing that. You know, I feel so bad for those kids–I mean, I didn't even realize they were there until that last day–and now I just wish I could do something–to help, you know?”
“I know. I feel the same way. Hey, did you get to meet Alex?”
He nodded. “Yeah, he stopped by the construction site a couple times. Seems like a nice guy.”
So then I told him about how Alex was going to find someone to regularly oversee some sort of food program for the kids out there and how I planned to find some ways to send money to help out.
“I haven't really told anyone about this yet,” I explained. “In fact, I'm not even sure what I'll do. I just know I've got to do something. Maybe through church or more car washes or whatever. I just feel like I need to do this.”
“I'd like to help too,” said Josh. “I'm not exactly sure how either, especially when I'm heading off to college next week. But I'll see what I can do. And maybe, if you don't mind, I could just send whatever I can pull together your way, and maybe you could sort of manage it for me, if that's okay.”
“Sure,” I offered. “Anything to help the kids.”
“I wish I'd known about that whole thing sooner,” he continued. “I would've tried to help out while we were there.”
“Well, I tried to tell you guys, but you and Andrea seemed to be in a little world of your own.” I know that was uncalled for, and it wasn't exactly jealousy talking (okay, maybe it was a little), but his next words just totally knocked me over.
“Yeah, that whole thing with Andrea was pretty moronic too. And I know I've hurt her feelings by getting involved with her during this trip and then just chilling out on her at the end. I feel really lousy about it.”
Well, try as I might, I couldn't think of a single thing to say.
“I can just imagine what you're thinking, Catie, like how dating is so stupid and we should all do what you're doing and no one would get hurt. But what if some of us aren't that strong?”
That made me laugh. “You think I'm strong? Now that's a good one.”
“Well, how else do you manage to abstain from all this? I'm pretty positive you're not gay.” His eyes twinkled with mischief.
I socked him in the arm but gently. “It has nothing to do with being strong, Josh. It's a promise I made to God, but He's helping me to keep it. And when I see how messed up things get for couples like, say, Beanie and Zach–”
He glanced at where the two were sitting ahead of us, playing some card game on the seat between them.
“They seem to be doing okay now.”
“Yeah, now. But they were pretty messed up just a month ago. And I know that Beanie has no intention of ever going back there again.”
“So, has she given up dating too?”
I thought about that. “I don't really feel like it's my place to say. You should ask her. But I know she's learned a lot and made some pretty big commitments to God.”
I glanced over to Andrea who had her head down, and I knew she was hurting. In fact, I could remember exactly how she felt, and I suppose this emboldened me to say the next words. “You know, Josh, you're a really attractive guy–”
“Gee, thanks.” He grinned.
I punched him in the arm again and then continued. “Let me make my point, okay? You know that girls are attracted to you, right?” He nodded. “And I'm sure you enjoy that.”
“Yeah. Is anything wrong with that? I've seen guys giving you a second look and you don't seem to mind.”
“Yeah, yeah, let me finish. But the difference is you look back. And then you get involved–well, you say you get involved, but the truth is, you're really not involved–or at least your heart isn't–”
“Hey, that's not fair. How do you know what's going on in my heart?”
“Well, take Andrea for instance. You admitted yourself that you got involved with her these last two weeks, but you break up and you're doing just fine, thank you very much. But look at her. Do you think