It's My Life - Melody Carlson [32]
I paused while he looked her way. “No, I guess not. In fact, she told me as much this morning.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“Pretty crummy.”
I sighed. “Well, that's a relief. At least you have some feelings–”
“Low blow, Catie. You act like I'm heartless. Do you really believe that?”
I considered this a moment. “Do you want me to be totally honest?”
“Do you think I can't take it?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I'm sure you can take it. I'm just not sure you want to.”
“Go ahead, give me your best shot.”
“This isn't a contest, Josh. We're just having an honest talk here, right?”
“Yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead, I'm listening.”
“Okay, I think we were talking about how it doesn't bother you to go with a girl then break up–”
“Wait a minute, you're putting words in my mouth. I never said that.”
“Maybe not, but like they say, actions speak louder than words. For instance, when I broke it off with you just before the prom, you were back with Jenny the very next day–maybe even sooner.”
He didn't answer.
“So, see what I mean? you're one of those guys who can just love 'em and leave 'em. No big deal, right?”
“You're smart about a lot of things, Catie, but you haven't got me completely figured out–not yet anyway.”
I smiled. “Good thing too. But my point is, Josh, you have the potential to leave a path of broken hearts strewn along your path. And to tell you the truth, I don't think you're really like that, not deep down anyway. I don't think you really like hurting people.”
He nodded. “And you don't think I've ever been hurt before?”
Now I'm sorry, but this made me laugh. “Oh, I'm sure you've suffered some disappointments like in track and stuff like that, but I seriously doubt that you've ever been hurt by a relationship with a girl.”
He looked at me curiously, then forced a little laugh himself. “You don't think you hurt me then?”
I stared at him, shocked. Was he serious? “I hurt you?”
“It's not something a guy likes to show or even admit.”
For a moment I thought he was pulling my leg, but I could tell by his expression that he was dead serious. “Josh, if I hurt you, I am truly, from the bottom of my heart, sorry. I am. Can you believe that?”
“Yeah.” He made a half smile. “So, see? You didn't know me as well as you thought.”
I nodded soberly, too dumbfounded to try to figure this conversation all out just yet. “But I guess that just helps me make my point, Josh. You see, I don't want to get hurt in some dating relationship, and by the same token, I don't want to hurt anyone else either. That's why I'd rather just be friends with guys for now. It's so much simpler and no one gets hurt.”
“Well, I suppose it's starting to make more sense to me too. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up girls yet.” He grinned mischievously.
“Duh. I didn't expect you to. Besides, I think it's between you and God. I was only trying to make you understand how I think and also how others can get hurt.”
“And now you're completely convinced that I do understand, from personal experience that was actually dished out from someone who's since removed herself from the game?”
“Yeah, and like I said, I'm really sorry. I had no idea. I mean, you just seem to snap your fingers and another girlfriend pops up like magic.”
“A guy doesn't always want another girlfriend.”
“Exactly. Just like I don't want another boyfriend. That's why I'd rather just have a boy for a good friend. To me that's a lot more valuable in the long run.”
He nodded. “You might be right.” Then he reached out to shake my hand. “Friends? You and me, for the long run?”
I smiled and shook his hand. “You bet. Friends, for the long run.”
Then he looked right into my eyes (okay, I knew he wasn't flirting by then, but I did feel my heart give this sharp little tug which I must admit bugged me considerably!) and he said, “Catie, you're quite a gal!”
Well, I just sort of laughed and glanced the other way (not wanting him to have any clue, after all we'd said, that I'd actually felt something beyond friendship) and who should I see staring right at us? Andrea.