It's My Life - Melody Carlson [35]
So after holding us spellbound for over an hour, he asked us all to bow our heads and close our eyes, then he gave this little invitation–nothing unusual, just offering everyone (who hadn't already) the opportunity to invite Jesus into their hearts. After that he paused for a few moments, then said he felt a strong impulse to give another sort of invitation, and that he thought it was for a young person. He explained how he rarely did anything like this, but he felt he should today. So anyway, once again he asked us to bow our heads (for privacy); then he asked if anyone out there felt God calling him or her to be a missionary. Well, I can't honestly say I heard God's voice calling me or anything specific or even audible, but my heart started to pound furiously, and I felt this really strong, overwhelming urge inside of me to raise my hand. And so I did. It was as if I couldn't help but do it.
Well, everybody still had their eyes closed (big relief) but the missionary guy looked me right in the eye and said, “I see your hand, my child. And so does God. Don't worry; He will lead you.” And that was it. I lowered my hand and looked down, and I could still feel my heart pounding and my cheeks burning as if I'd just admitted to being the village thief or something. But then the service ended and no one seemed to know what I'd done. Part of me started saying, “Okay, Cate, just forget about that whole thing. It was probably just an emotional response after your missions trip to Mexico.” But another part of me, a stronger part, kept saying, “Oh, my goodness, this is really for real!”
Now, it's not like I think some big missionary board is going to come looking for me or that I've been drafted into the Salvation Army or anything like that. But what worries me is this: I'm thinking what IF God really is behind this whole missions thing? What if God is really, truly calling me to be a missionary? I mean, it's just so totally weird. Who would ever believe that Caitlin O'Conner is going to become a missionary? Doesn't it sound totally ridiculous? And for that reason, I'm keeping my mouth shut, at least for now. Besides, I figure, if God is behind this, then (like the missionary guy said) not to worry because He can lead me. Right?
Besides, school starts in two days, and I really need to focus on that right now. So (if it's all the same to you, God) can I just not think about this anymore tonight? Gulp! A missionary?
Monday, September 3 (Labor Day)
Dad said he doesn't understand why Mom and I insisted on shopping on Labor Day (that it's supposed to be a day of rest and all), but we assured him we find fighting the crowds, searching for parking spaces in a hot parking lot, and then sniffing out the best buys to be quite restful. And actually, for me, it was sort of relaxing in a way. Nothing like a crowded mall full of materialistic consumers (including me!) to take my mind off of yesterday's sermon.
But the problem is, the whole shopping for back-to-school clothes seemed to fall sort of flat for me. I can't even really explain it, but I walked around in kind of a daze. I couldn't seem to focus on anything. Maybe it has to do with having just been in Mexico where there's so much poverty. I mean, they have so little and we have so much! Maybe I'm just looking at things with a whole different perspective. But suddenly I didn't feel all that interested in accumulating lots of cool stuff anymore. A lot of the clothes I'd worn last year seemed just fine to wear again this year. I mean, it's not like the styles have changed all that much anyway.
“Are you feeling okay, honey?” my mom asked with genuine concern after I turned down a great looking little top that I would've drooled over just weeks ago.
“Yeah, Mom. But I have lots of tops.” Then I mentally ran down my clothing needs list and the only thing I could think of