J.R. Ward the Black Dagger Brotherhood Novels 1-4 - J. R. Ward [320]
1800s? Good God, how old was he? Mary wondered.
“Anyway, it went off in her hand and I heard something hit the ground. It was a barn owl. One of those lovely white barn owls. I can still see the red stain as its blood seeped onto its feathers. When I picked up the bird and felt its light weight in my hands, I realized that carelessness was a form of cruelty. See, I’d always told myself that because I meant no harm, anything that happened wasn’t my fault. At that moment, though, I knew I was wrong. If I hadn’t given the female my gun, the bird wouldn’t have been shot. I was responsible even though I didn’t pull the trigger.”
He cleared his throat. “The owl was such an innocent thing. So fragile and small compared to me as it bled and died. I felt…wretched, and I was thinking about where to bury it, when the Scribe Virgin came to me. She was livid. Livid. She loves birds to begin with, and the barn owl is her sacred symbol, but of course the death was only part of it. She took the body from my palms and breathed life back into the bird, sending it off into the night sky. The relief when that bird flew away was tremendous. I felt as if the slate had been wiped clean. I was free, cleansed. But then the Scribe Virgin turned on me. She cursed me, and since then, anytime I get out of control, the beast comes out. In a way, it’s really the perfect punishment. It’s taught me to regulate my energy, my moods. It’s taught me to respect the consequences of all my actions. Helped me understand the power in my body in a way I never would have otherwise.”
He laughed a little. “The Scribe Virgin hates me, but she did me one hell of a favor. Anyway…that’s the awful why of it. I killed a bird and got the beast. Simple and complicated by turns, right?”
Rhage’s chest expanded as he took in a great breath. She could feel his remorse as clearly as if it were her own.
“By turns. Indeed,” she murmured, stroking his shoulder.
“The good news is that in another ninety-one years or so, it’s over.” He frowned, as if considering the prospect. “The beast will be gone.”
Funny, he looked a little worried.
“You’ll miss it, won’t you?” she said.
“No. No, I…It’ll be a relief. Really.”
Except that frown stayed in place.
Chapter Forty-eight
Around nine the next morning, Rhage stretched in bed and was surprised to feel like himself. He’d never recovered so fast before and had a feeling it was because he hadn’t fought the change. Maybe that was the trick. Just go with it.
Mary came out of the bathroom with a load of towels in her arms and headed into the closet to drop them down the chute. She looked tired, grim. Which made sense. They’d spent a lot of the morning talking about Bella, and though he’d done his best to reassure her, they both knew the situation was bad.
And then there was another reason for her to be worried.
“I want to come to the doctor’s with you today,” he said.
She came back out into the room. “You’re awake.”
“Yeah. And I want to come with you.”
As she walked over to him, she had that tight look she got whenever she was going to argue.
He jumped the gun on the most obvious objection. “Switch the appointment to late in the day. Sun goes down by five thirty now.”
“Rhage—”
Anxiety made his voice hard. “Do it.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I don’t appreciate your pushing me around.”
“Let me rephrase myself. Change the appointment, please.” But he didn’t ease up on his tone in the slightest. When she got the news, whatever it was, he was going to be by her side.
She reached for the phone, all the while cursing under her breath. When she hung up, she seemed surprised. “Ah, Dr. Della Croce will see me…us…tonight at six.”
“Good. And I’m sorry about being such a hard-ass. I just have to be with you when you hear. I need to be a part of this as much as I can.”
She shook her head and bent down