Junie B., First Grader_ Dumb Bunny - Barbara Park [1]
Mr. Scary did a thumbs-up.
“Yes, good … and rule number three?”
May sucked in her cheeks.
“Rule number three: If I still feel like tattling after that … go home … eat dinner … go to bed … wake up … eat breakfast … come back to school … raise my hand to tattle … then put my hand over my mouth … and please be quiet,” she said.
Mr. Scary clapped his happy hands.
“Perfect! You've got it! Those are exactly the rules we talked about, aren't they?” he said. “I'm very proud of you for remembering them!”
He stood up and walked her back to her chair.
“You have a great memory for rules, May,” he said. “But the next step is to actually follow the rules, okay? And I don't believe you counted to twenty this time, did you?”
I leaned over and tapped on him.
“I can vouch for that,” I said. “There was definitely no counting.”
Mr. Scary frowned at me.
“I'll deal with you in a minute, Miss Jones,” he said. “You and I are going to review the rules on name-calling.”
I did a gulp.
“But I didn't even call her a name, Mr. Scary. All I did was think a name in my head,” I said.
May flashed her angry eyes.
“No, you did not just think it, Junie Jones. You told me you were thinking it. And that is exactly like saying it, almost,” she said.
She went on.
“Plus you didn't even think it quietly. You thought it so loud that I could hear it in your brain.”
May looked up at Mr. Scary.
“My ears were tested last year in kindergarten,” she said. “The nurse said I can hear as good as a North American barn owl.”
Mr. Scary stared at her a real long time.
“No, May. No. I'm sorry,” he said finally. “But the nurse did not tell you that. You do not hear as well as a North American barn owl.”
May squirmed in her chair a little bit.
Squirming is what happens after fibbing.
At least that has always been my experience.
After a minute, May put her head on her desk. And she covered up with her sweater.
Mr. Scary bent down next to me.
“And as for you, Miss Jones … this is the absolute last time that I ever want to talk to you about name-calling,” he said. “I don't want you to say dumb bunny, or think dumb bunny, or sing dumb bunny, or hum dumb bunny, or write dumb bunny. Do you understand?”
I tapped my fingers on my desk.
“But then what am I supposed to do when May is mean to me?” I asked him. “I have to call her something or else she won't even know I'm mad.”
I thought for a second. Then I clapped my hands together.
“Hey! I know! Maybe I could just think the dumb part in my head. And I'll call her just plain bunny!” I said. “Would just plain bunny be okay with you?”
May popped up from under her sweater.
“No, no, no!” she grouched. “Just plain bunny isn't nice, either!”
My friend named Sheldon stood up.
“Bunny isn't nice? How come bunny isn't nice?” he asked. “I have an aunt named Bunny. And she's very, very nice.”
Sheldon looked at Mr. Scary.
“My aunt Bunny is married to my uncle Vern,” he said. “Aunt Bunny has a lot of—”
Mr. Scary quick held up his hand.
“Yes, Sheldon, we know. You've told us many interesting things about your aunt Bunny. But right now we don't need to hear any more about your aunt Bunny's—”
“Skull tattoos,” said Sheldon.
“Please sit down,” said Mr. Scary.
Across the room, Lucille sprang right up.
“Well, I love, love, love bunnies!” she said. “And so this subject is perfect timing for me! Because I'm having a big party at my giant house on Saturday! And all of you are invited to come!”
She bounced up and down real excited.
“And guess what else? A very famous bunny is going to be there to meet you! Guess who it is, everyone! Guess the bunny! Guess the bunny!” she said.
Room One thought real hard.
Then all of us started to guess at once.
“Bugs Bunny?”
“Buster Bunny?”
“The Bionic Bunny?”
“Thumper?” we guessed.
Lucille rolled her eyes.
“No, no, no,” she said. “My bunny is way more famous than those dumb cartoon guys.”
We guessed some more.
“The Trix Rabbit?”
“The Velveteen Rabbit?”
“Peter Rabbit?” we asked.
Lucille stamped her foot.
“NO!” she said again.