Junie B., First Grader_ Dumb Bunny - Barbara Park [2]
She reached into her desk and pulled out some fancy envelopes.
Then she waved them around real angry.
“Do you see these invitations? Huh? Do you?” she asked. “These are invitations to an Easter-egg hunt at my rich, expensive house! And I was going to pass them out at lunch. But if you dumb clucks never even heard of the Easter Bunny, just never mind the whole thing!”
After that, she did a huffy. And she flounced back in her chair.
Mr. Scary hurried over there.
Then he quick got her up.
And he took her by the hand.
And he walked her into the hall.
They were gone a real long time.
When they finally came back, Lucille said she is sorry for calling us dumb clucks.
That is some kind of insult, apparently.
Then she took the envelopes out of her desk again. And she gave everyone an invitation.
And so, yippee, yippee!
Hurray, hurray!
Room One is going to a party!
Lucille was still mad at lunch.
“I just don't get it,” she grouched. “How could anyone forget the Easter Bunny? The Easter Bunny brings candy right to your door.”
Lennie did a frown at her.
“He doesn't bring candy to my door, Lucille,” he said. “The Easter Bunny is a different religion than me. I'm Jewish.”
Shirley nodded.
“I'm Jewish, too, Lucille,” she said. “I've never even been to an Easter-egg hunt before. What do you wear to something like that, anyway?”
Lucille stood up and fluffed herself.
“Well—since the Easter Bunny and I are the same religion—I'm going to wear a fancy Easter dress, Shirley,” she said.
Shirley thought for a minute. Then she nodded.
“Hmm. Then I guess I will wear a fancy Jewish dress,” she said.
Lennie's eyes lighted up.
“Really, Shirley? You mean we have our own clothing line?” he asked.
He smiled.
“Then I think I will wear some fancy Jewish pants,” he said.
My friend named Herbert tapped on his chin.
“Let's see. Since I'm a Pressed-byterian, I guess I should wear Pressed-byterian pants,” he said.
He turned and looked at me.
“Pressed-byterian means we iron out our wrinkles, I think,” he said.
Just then, Sheldon slapped the table with his hand.
“Hey, I know! I will wear a fancy turban! A fancy turban is religious clothes, right?” he asked. “I love fancy turbans!”
Mr. Scary was listening to us while he ate.
He quick put down his sandwich.
“Boys and girls, you're getting way off track here,” he said. “Lucille's Easter-egg hunt is not a religious party. Really. I've spoken to her mother about it. It's more of a spring picnic with an egg-hunt activity. Am I right, Lucille?”
“Yes,” she said. “My mother said the Easter Bunny isn't even working that day. He's just going to hop around the party … and smile … and have his picture taken with people.”
I thought about that for a second.
“I don't think bunnies should smile,” I said. “Bunnies have yellow teeth, like clown teeth. Except bunny teeth are way pointier.”
Sheldon nodded.
“My aunt Bunny has a pointy tooth,” he said. “She can stab a pickle with it. And the pickle just stays there.”
All of us stared at him.
Sheldon has the interestingest family I ever heard of.
Lucille did a big breath.
“Well, I don't care about pointy bunny teeth,” she said. “Bunnies have cute floppy ears, and puffy, fluffy tails, and itchy, twitchy little noses.”
I kept on picturing their teeth. “Bunny teeth can nibble your head into a nub,” I said.
“No, they cannot, Junie B. Jones,” she said back.
“Oh yes they can, Lucille whatever-your-last-name-is,” I said. “I saw it on Oprah.”
Mr. Scary glared at me.
I ducked down in my seat. And I quieted my voice.
“Oprah has a lot of nub information,” I said very soft.
Mr. Scary glared again.
I started to squirm.
Teachers can spot a fib a mile away.
* * *
At recess, Lucille told us more about the party.
She said that there was going to be lots of delicious food to eat. Plus also, there was going to be an exciting prize for the Easter-egg winner.
“And wait till you hear this!” she said. “My daddy is going to hide a real pretend golden