Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth - Barbara Park [3]
“HELP! HELP! I’M IN BIG TROUBLE!” I yelled to Mother. “’CAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY SHOT OFF MY BIG FAT MOUTH ON THE BUS! AND NOW I HAVE TO PAINT AND UNLOCK STUFF AND SAVE PEOPLE FROM DANGER! ONLY WHAT KIND OF STUPID DUMB JOB IS THAT?”
“Back here,” called Mother.
Back here means the nursery. The nursery is the place where my new baby brother named Ollie lives.
I ran there my very fastest.
Mother was rocking Ollie in the rocking chair. He was a little bit sleeping.
“I NEED TO TALK TO YOU VERY BAD!” I shouted some more. “’CAUSE I DID A BIG FIB. AND NOW I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF IT!”
Just then Ollie waked up. He started crying very much.
“Great,” said Mother very growly.
“Yeah, only sorry, but I’m upset here,” I explained.
Ollie screeched louder and louder. His voice sounded like a scratchy sore throat.
Mother put him on her lap. Then she rubbed the sides of her forehead with her fingers.
That’s ’cause she had a mybrain headache, I think.
“You’re just going to have to wait until I get the baby settled again,” she said, still grumpy.
“Yeah, only I can’t wait, ’cause—”
Mother butted in. “Not now, Junie B.! I’ll be out to talk to you as soon as I can! Now please go!”
Then she pointed at the door.
Pointing means O-U-T.
“Darn it,” I said. “Darn it, darn it, darn it.”
’Cause that dumb old baby takes up all of Mother’s time.
And he’s not even interesting.
He doesn’t know how to roll over. Or sit up. Or play Chinese checkers.
He is a dud, I think.
I would like to take him back to the hospital. But Mother said no.
After I left the nursery, I went outside in my front yard.
Then I sat in the grass all by myself. And I played with a stick and another ant.
Only this stupid ant bited me. And so I had to drop a rock on his head.
Finally my daddy’s car came into the driveway. And my heart got very happy.
“Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home! Hurray! Hurray!” I yelled.
Then I ran to him. And he picked me up. And I gave him my most biggest hug.
“I’m very glad to see you!” I said. “’Cause on Monday I have to dress up like what job I want to be. Except for I accidentally said I’m going to paint and save people and carry lots of keys. Only what kind of dumb bunny job is that?”
My daddy put me down. His eyebrows looked confused at me.
“Can we talk about this at dinner?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “We have to talk right now. ’Cause I’ve already waited all I can. And I’m getting tension in me.”
“Well, I’m afraid you’re just going to have to wait a little while longer,” said Daddy. “Because right now I’ve got to see if your mother needs help with the baby.”
Then he did a kiss on my head. And he walked right into the house!
And guess what?
Sometimes I wish stupid dumb Ollie never even came to live with us.
5/Shining
When I went back inside, Ollie was still very screaming.
That’s ’cause Mother couldn’t find his pacifier.
Pacifiers are what babies like to suck on. Except I don’t know why. ’Cause one time I sucked on Ollie’s. And it tasted like my red sneakers.
Just then Mother runned out of Ollie’s room.
And her hair was very sticking out.
And her clothes were all wrinkly.
And she was wearing one sock, and that’s all.
“WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS THE PACIFIER? IT JUST DIDN’T DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR, YOU KNOW!” she hollered very loud.
Then me and Daddy had to help Mother look for the pacifier speedy quick. ’Cause she was losing her grip, I think.
I looked in the couch. That’s because sometimes if you push your hand way under the cushions, you can find some good stuff under there.
This time I found three Cheetos and a popcorn.
They were very delicious.
After that, I looked under Daddy’s big chair. Only it was too dark to see under there. And so I runned to get the flashlight. ’Cause I learned about flashlights in school, remember?
Flashlights are fun to shine in the dark. I shined it in the dark closet. And also down the dark basement steps.
Then I remembered another dark place. And its name was screaming Ollie’s room. ’Cause his shades were pulled down for his nap, that’s why.
I runned right there