Junie B. Jones and That Meanie Jim's Birthday - Barbara Park [8]
I zoomed all around the big wood chair.
Principal looked nervous of me.
He hurried up and opened his door.
Then I zoomed right out of there!
And I didn’t stop till I got to Room Nine!
8/Ruining My Saturday
On Saturday, Mother woke me up from sleeping.
“We have to go to the store and buy Jim a present,” she said.
I did a sleepy yawn.
“Yeah, only I don’t actually like that boy,” I explained. “And so you can go by yourself. And I will trust your judgment.”
I pulled the covers over my head.
Mother pulled them off again.
Then she made me get dressed.
And she made me eat a banana.
And she made me go to the store with her.
She holded my hand and pulled me behind her.
“Since we don’t know what he already has, let’s get him something unusual,” she said.
“Let’s get him greasy, grimy gopher guts. That is unusual,” I said.
Mother made a sick face.
She pulled me through the store.
We went past the bathroom stuff.
I pointed.
“That. Let’s get him that,” I said. “That is unusual.”
Mother sucked in her cheeks.
“We’re not getting him a toilet brush,” she said.
She pulled me past the pet stuff.
“That. Let’s get him that,” I said. “That is unusual.”
But Mother said, “No choke chain.”
Just then, she pulled me past the tools.
That’s when my eyes popped right out of my head!
“THAT! LET’S GET HIM THAT! LOOK, MOTHER! LOOK! I LOVE THAT THING!”
I runned to it speedy quick.
“IT’S A TOOL BELT! SEE? IT’S JUST LIKE GRAMPA MILLER’S! ONLY IT’S MADE FOR LITTLE CHILDREN LIKE ME! SEE IT, MOTHER? SEE THIS WONDERFUL THING!”
Mother took it down off the shelf.
“Look!” I said. “It has a hammer! And a screwdriver! And some pliers! And a flashlight! And a real actual level with a bubble in it! Plus also, there’s a pocket with nails in the front.”
I jumped all around.
“Can I try it on? Can I? Please, Mother? Please? Please?”
Mother shook her head no.
“We’re not shopping for you today, Junie B. We’re shopping for Jim, remember?”
“I know it. I know we are shopping for that Jim,” I said. “And so this can be for his birthday. Only first I have to try it on to see if it fits. ’Cause him and me are both the same size, I bet!”
Finally, Mother fastened the tool belt on me.
“Oooo! It has Velcro!” I said. “I love this stickery stuff! Can we buy it? Please, Mother? Can we buy it? And take it home to my house?”
Mother thought and thought.
“I don’t know, Junie B. Something tells me this isn’t a good idea. I’m afraid you’ll want to keep it.”
“No, I won’t! I won’t want to keep it. I promise, Mother! I promise! I promise!”
And so finally Mother gave in to me. And she bought the wonderful tool belt.
I held it on my lap all the way home in the car.
Then I runned into the house. And I zoomed to my room. And I put that thing on me again.
“Now I can do odd jobs!” I said real thrilled.
I took the hammer and tapped on my wall.
Then I screwed a screw with the screwdriver.
Plus also, I twisted my Teddy’s nose off with the pliers. Only I actually didn’t mean to do that one.
I patted his head.
“Breathe through your mouth,” I said.
Just then, Mother’s voice hollered to me.
“JUNIE B.! IT’S TIME TO TAKE YOUR BATH, HONEY!”
I did a frown. ’Cause Mother was a little mixed up, I think.
I hollered back.
“YEAH, ONLY I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE A BATH TODAY! ON ACCOUNT OF TODAY IS SATURDAY! AND SATURDAY IS MY DIRTY DAY!”
Mother came in my room.
“I know today is Saturday, Junie B.,” she said. “But you’re going to a birthday party. And when you go to a birthday party, you have to take a bath. Plus we’re going to have to wash and curl your hair.”
I backed up from her.
“No,” I said. “’Cause nobody even explained that to me before. And so that doesn’t even make sense. On account of I hate that meanie kid. So how come I have to get clean for him?”
Mother looked at the end of her rope.
“When you go to a party, you take a bath. Period. End of discussion,” she said.
Then she left my room. And she went to start the tub.
I sat on my bed very glum.
“Darn it,” I said. “’Cause that stupid