Junie B. Jones Has a Peep in Her Pocket - Barbara Park [3]
“You would not say that if your head was a nub, sister,” I said.
Meanie Jim laughed real loud.
Then Mrs. said for all of us to take our chairs back to our tables.
And we did not show any more farm pictures.
4/Cockle-Doodly-Doo
On Saturday, Mother came into my room. She said we were going shopping for clothes for the farm trip.
I looked up from my coloring book.
“No thank you,” I said. “On account of I am getting a fever that day. So I won’t actually be going to the farm.”
Mother laughed. “Don’t be silly,” she said.
Then she picked me up. And she carried me out to the car.
“Yeah, only here’s the problem. You are not respecting my wishes,” I said.
Mother laughed some more. “I promise. This will be fun.”
I did a huffy breath. “Whatever,” I said.
Whatever is the grown-up word for that is the dumbest thing I ever heard.
And guess what?
I was right. Shopping was not fun at all. ’Cause Mother kept on making me try on clothes that I didn’t want.
First she made me try on a shirt with checkery squares. Then she made me try on overalls with big, giant pockets. Plus she tied a bandanna around my neck. And she put a straw hat on my head.
I looked in the mirror at myself.
“What do you know…I’m a cornball,” I said.
Only too bad for me. ’Cause Mother said I looked cute as a button. And she bought those clothes anyway. Plus also, she bought me a throw-away camera at the drugstore.
After we got home, I started to color again.
Mother hanged up my new clothes.
“Do you want me to show you how to use the camera for your trip now?” she asked.
“No thank you,” I said. “On account of I am getting a fever that day. So I won’t actually be going to the farm.”
After that, Mother did a big sigh.
And she closed my door.
And she let me color in peace.
I got tricked!
’Cause on the day of the trip, I told Mother I had a fever. But that woman did not even take my word for it.
Instead, she took my temperature!
And so what kind of trust is that, I ask you?
“No fever,” she said.
Then Mother dressed me in my farm clothes. And she drove me right to my school.
We pulled into the parking lot.
“Oh no!” I said. “Oh no! Oh no!”
’Cause the bus was there for the field trip already! It was parked right at the curb!
“Believe me, Junie B.,” said Mother. “You are going to have a great day.”
Then she got me out of the car. And she pulled me to my teacher.
“Good morning, Junie B.,” said Mrs. “Don’t you look cute today?”
I felt my forehead.
“I’m ill,” I said.
Mrs. smiled. “I love your straw hat.”
“My head is a flaming fireball,” I said.
Mrs. bended down next to me. “And that bandanna is absolutely darling.”
“I am burning to a crinkle,” I told her.
“Crisp,” said Mother.
“Whatever,” I said.
After that, Mother lifted me onto the bus. And she handed me my backpack with my lunch and camera.
She waved good-bye to me.
I did not wave back. ’Cause my hand did not feel friendly.
Just then, my bestest friend named Grace came running to get me.
“Junie B.! Junie B.! Lucille and I saved you a seat!”
Then she grabbed my arm. And she took me way in the back.
I sat down next to Lucille.
“No!” said that Grace. “That’s my seat, Junie B.!”
She quick pulled me up.
“So where am I supposed to sit, then?” I asked.
Lucille pointed across the aisle.
“Right there, silly,” she said. “You’re sitting right directly across from Grace and me. And so it’s almost like we’re sitting together. Except you will be separate.”
I sat down.
“But there’s nobody to talk to over here,” I told her.
Just then, that meanie Jim jumped up from the seat behind me.
“Me! You can talk to me!” he said very laughing.
Then he leaned into my ear. And he hollered, “COCKLE-DOODLY-DOO!” right into my eardrum.
“Too bad you’re afraid of roosters,” he said. “Roosters can tell if you’re afraid, Junie B. Ask anybody. Roosters always peck the scaredy-heads first.”
“No, they do not, Jim!” I said back. “You are just making that up, probably. And anyhow, if roosters pecked people’s heads off, all farmers would have nub heads. Only they don’t. So there. Ha ha.”
Jim