Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren - Barbara Park [7]
I waited some more.
“Okay, here’s the problem,” I said. “The teeny Kleenex is still there. And so how would you like me to handle this?”
Handsome Warren put his hands over his ears.
“Stop it!” he yelled. “Stop talking to me! Why are you sitting here anyway? Why don’t you just go with your stupid friends and leave me alone?”
“’Cause I am being nice, that’s why,” I said. “Plus also I am understanding your feelings. On account of Mother said that is how I make friends.”
Handsome Warren did a grouchy face.
“I’m not your friend,” he said. “I don’t have any friends at this school. All my friends were at my other school. But then my dad made me move here. And now nothing is the same. I hate this place! I hate it! I hate it!”
Then he quick hided his head in his knees again. And he started to cry.
He tried to be quiet.
Only I still could hear him sniffling in there.
It made me feel sad inside.
I patted him very gentle.
“Sorry, Warren. Sorry you feel bad. Sorry. Sorry,” I said real soft.
Just then a good idea popped in my head.
“Hey. I know. Maybe I can get you a Band-Aid. Would you like that, Warren? ’Cause sometimes Band-Aids make things better…
“Or else here’s another good idea. Maybe I could tickle you. ’Cause tickling makes you laugh, right? And so I would be glad to give it a try.”
I jiggled him.
“Want to try on my golden crown, Warren? Huh? Want to? ’Cause a golden crown makes you feel like a million bucks.”
I took it off to give to him.
He didn’t take it.
I put my golden crown on the ground.
Then I took off my princess collar and my Cinderella gloves. And I put them on the ground, too.
After that, I sat very still. And I listened to Warren being sad.
Finally I did a sigh. And I tried my very last idea.
“Knock knock,” I said.
Handsome Warren didn’t answer.
“Knock knock,” I said a little bit louder. Then I kept on saying knock knock, until that guy got sick of it.
“OH, ALL RIGHT! WHO’S THERE?” he grouched.
“Hatch,” I said.
“Hatch who?” said Handsome Warren.
“HA HA! MADE YOU SNEEZE! GET IT, WARREN? GET IT? YOU SAID HATCHOO! DO YOU GET IT?
“Knock knock,” I said again.
Handsome Warren peeked one eye at me.
Who’s there?” he said.
“Ash,” I said.
“Ash who?” said Handsome Warren.
“HA! I DID IT AGAIN, WARREN! I MADE YOU SNEEZE AGAIN! YOU SAID ASHOO! AND SO THAT WAS ANOTHER GOOD ONE, RIGHT?”
Handsome Warren raised up his head. His face didn’t look as mad.
“Knock knock,” I said.
“Who’s there?” said Handsome Warren.
“Kook.”
“Kook who?” he said.
I made a fist at that guy.
“Hey! Who are you calling cuckoo, mister?” I said.
Just then, Handsome Warren did a teeny smile.
He waited for a second. Then he smiled some more.
“Knock knock,” he said.
“Who’s there?”
“Icy,” said Handsome Warren.
“Icy who?”
“Icy London, Icy France, Icy Lucille’s underpants,” he said.
I clapped and clapped.
“Me too, Warren! I saw those things, too! ’Cause that crazy kook is always twirling around in those bouncy dresses, that’s why!”
All of a sudden, my whole face lighted up.
“Knock knock!”
“Who’s there?” said Handsome Warren.
“Irish.”
“Irish who?”
“IRISH I WAS AN OSCAR MAYER WIENER!” I sang real loud.
Then me and Handsome Warren started laughing real hard! And we holded our sides! And we rolled all around on the ground!
“YOU ARE A NUTBALL!” said Handsome Warren.
“YOU ARE A NUTBALL, TOO!” I said back.
“WE ARE BOTH NUTBALLS!” he said.
And so after that, me and Nutball Warren rolled and laughed and rolled and laughed. All around the grass. Till the bell rang!
’Cause that’s what nutballs do, of course!
Plus also me and him were brand-new friends, I think!
And that is called happily ever after!
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