Junk - Melvin Burgess [28]
Chapter Seven
Richard
I AM AN ANTICHRIST
I AM AN ANAR-CHIST-A
DUNNA WOT I WANT BUT I KNOW HOW
TO GET IT
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
WANNA BEEEEEEEEEEEE
ANAR-CHEEEEEEE
The Sex Pistols
It was a stick-up. We were going to start with Barclays Bank on the High Street.
For the occasion I dressed up in my GLUE YOU T-shirt and a pair of bright green Doc Marten’s with daisies painted on the toes. I got Tar to do the daisies for me after I saw his dandelions. He’s brilliant. They looked great. I have such enormous feet. Oh, and my tight, calf-length leggings. I had to wear a parka over the T-shirt though. It was a bit of a giveaway, really – GLUE YOU all over your chest and twenty tubes of Locktite in yer handbag.
Vonny dressed up as well in a sort of yellow and black stripy leotard and woolly tights that made her look rather like an enormous wasp, only of course far more attractive. I couldn’t get Jerry to dress up at all, although he wore the blackest clothes he could find. But he always wears black. He dyes his hair, which is a start. I tried to get him to wear some black eye shadow or mascara, on one eye at least, but he wouldn’t until Gemma joined in. He let her do it for him and I have to say he looked rather menacing. I expect he would have let me do it, only he thinks I might be gay. I’m not, in case you were wondering. I just play up to it. In fact, I’m celibate. I have been for five years now. It’s not the sex I object to – it’s the politics.
Gemma dressed up in her party dress and Vonny did her face for her like a forties film star – loads of powder and one of those Cupid’s bow mouths in shiny red lipstick. She wanted to wear a pair of high heels too but I had to veto it. Sometimes you have to run. As for Tar, he was willing enough but you could tell he found it hard going. Gemma wanted to dress him in drag, but it doesn’t do to attract too much attention. We let him off in the end. He obviously felt ludicrous enough as it was without having to look it.
This is the way it ought to be. Not Bonnie and Clyde. Not gangsters and the IRA and BANG BANG BANG you’re dead… really dead. More like Robin Hood. I mean the Disney version.
We got to Barclays and I went up to the door and wielded the superglue. That’s the easy bit – you just sidle up and go squirt squirt into the lock. By morning they’re LOCKED OUT and the money’s LOCKED IN.
They hate that.
It was writing the GLUE YOU logo on the door and the anarchist sign and getting the calling card through the letter box that was tricky. It takes time. Have you ever noticed that bank doors are always exposed? Try hiding in the shadows outside a bank sometime. There’s always a streetlight. They must have some deal with the Council.
Actually it wasn’t that tricky. You just wait until no one’s looking, but it always got Vonny a bit nervous. Banks do that to some people. If she had her way we’d just do the glue and then scarper.
You’ve no idea how much I enjoy doing this sort of thing. I could hear Gemma giggling as I did THIS IS A STICK-UP in green chalk. It was a lovely giggle. It sort of floated out of the shadows into the night air and I wished I could post that through the letter box, too. I had to be content with my calling cards. They’re not bad, though. I do them at home on my stencil set and colour them in by hand. There’s a nice little picture on each one of a character from my Golden Treasury of Nursery Rhymes.
I showed it to the crew before I pushed it in. Gemma giggled. Tar looked astonished. Vonny tutted and glanced up and down the road. Personally I’d quite like to be arrested but it hasn’t happened yet. Can you imagine what the police would make of us?
Then I got a bit carried away finishing off the GLUE YOU logo, double colouring it with red chalk, and Vonny started pulling at me.
‘Come on, we’ve another fifteen to do,’ she hissed.
‘We’ve got all night,’ I said. But I put my chalks away and carried on up the road. No point in getting upset about it.
Anarchy loves theatre. That’s the whole point. People