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HANNITY (voice-over): I don’t want to hear your talking points. Nearly four million Americans have been cut from the tax rolls!

(The two women avoid each other’s eyes. Finally DONNA raises the coffeepot.)

DONNA: Can I top that off for ya?

ALLISON: No, thanks, Donna. I should get back to work.

DONNA: So, I take it you’re not votin’ for Bush next time.

ALLISON: Are you kidding? I make $250,000 a year. I love Bush.

DONNA: How big is your tax cut?

ALLISON: I’m gonna get $6,000. Which is about sixteen times as much as you. And, of course, the program cuts don’t affect me. But the big payoff comes when my mother passes away. She’s on life support.

DONNA: I’m so sorry.

ALLISON: Are you kidding? If she can hang on till 2010, I’m getting $12 million. Tax free. That’s about a six-million-dollar tax break.

DONNA: Oh, the repeal of the death tax. I saw that on Fox, too. I guess that’s fair, because that money was already taxed once when it was earned.

ALLISON: My mom? Work? Oh, no no. It’s mostly capital gains. Never been taxed, and now it never will be. Unlike your tips. Speaking of which, how much do I owe you?

DONNA: Well, let’s see. They just raised the sales tax. I guess $4.87.

ALLISON: Change a fifty?

DONNA: Sure, darlin’.

(ALLISON hands her a fifty. DONNA makes change. ALLISON gives her a ten.)

DONNA: You don’t have to do that.

ALLISON: Hey. We working moms gotta stick together, right?

(DONNA smiles wanly.)

DONNA: Right.

(ALLISON gives her a wink, and she leaves, passing an URBAN COWBOY, who’s just put a quarter in the jukebox.)

Music: “Cryin’ Time”—George Jones and Tammy Wynette

(DONNA looks at the TV, then down at the half-cleaned-up piles of sugar and salt. Slowly she sweeps them into her palm, as the URBAN COWBOY sits down at the counter.)

DONNA: Can I help ya, sug?

COWBOY: Just a cuppa joe, I guess. I just got laid off.

DONNA: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. You work at the plant?

COWBOY: Naw. I’m a special ed teacher.

(Curtain.)

37

38

I Challenge Rich Lowry to a Fight

Rich Lowry is an editor at the National Review. If you watch cable news, you’ve probably seen his head talking here or there, arguing the conservative position on some issue of the day. He’s pretty young, I’d say about forty now. He’s not bad, as these guys go. Fairly articulate. He even enjoyed a run as a semi-regular on The NewsHour.

One area where Lowry seems paleo-conservative, though, is in the realm of gender politics. When Massachusetts governor Jane Swift had twins, he called for her to step down. I agreed, but that was because she was a Republican.

As you may have figured out by now, I’m a bit of a C-SPAN junkie, and a couple of years ago, late at night, I caught Rich talking, I think, to some College Republicans. He was saying that Democrats had “feminized” politics. In fact, by making it okay for politicians to cry, Lowry said that we Democrats had “sissified” politics.

There seemed to be only one thing to do. The next day, I called the National Review and got Rich’s direct line. I remember the conversation very clearly.

RICH: Hello.

ME: Rich, Al Franken. How do you do?

RICH: Fine. To what do I owe the honor of your call?

ME: Well, I saw you on C-SPAN last night talking about how we Democrats had sissified politics. So, I thought I’d challenge you to a fight.

RICH: . . . A fight?

ME: Yeah. I figure the loser gives a thousand dollars to the winner’s charity.

RICH: Where . . . where would we fight?

ME: In my parking garage.

RICH: Parking garage?

ME: Yeah.

RICH: What would the rules be?

ME: No rules. It’s like Fight Club.

RICH: Fight Club?

ME: Yeah. No weapons or anything. The first to say “uncle” loses.

RICH: You want to fight me in a garage? With no rules?

ME: Yeah. If you win, I have to give to some nutty right-wing cause. If I win, you have to give to . . . I don’t know, NARAL or Emily’s