Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [21]
Knowing what you know about your past, what do you think is stopping you from doing all of the things you used to dream about as a child, as a young adult, when you started your first job, when you met the love of your life, and everything else you used to think about in that dreamy state?
To answer this question, you also have to decide what you’re not taking responsibility for in life.
Stop.
Don’t breeze past this. Really think about what I’m asking you to consider. What is it you’re not taking responsibility for in your life?
Look, all of us have had conversations in our heads where we’ve said to ourselves, “I’ll deal with this later,” “it is what it is,” “whatever,” and “there’s nothing I can do about this—it’s out of my control.” When we’re challenged by something that is painful, emotional, or confronting, our natural tendency is to seek something that will immediately make us feel better. My asking you what you are not taking responsibility for in your life might be all it takes for you to put down this book, click on the TV, and call me an idiot so you won’t have to confront your issues. Am I right?
Oh. You’re still reading. Cool.
Let’s face it. It doesn’t take much to push someone to that place of discomfort. It could be something as simple as trying on a pair of jeans that are too tight, a misunderstood look from your spouse, or one of the questions being posed to you here that potentially sends you into a spiral. How do most people usually react? Instead of confronting their feelings, they choose to avoid the issue by moving on to something else to escape their feelings altogether. Some people will eat, have a few drinks, work out, or lose themselves at the office or in front of the television so they don’t have to deal with what’s really holding them back. Whatever you do, remember that your reaction is the effect of a much greater issue that you are resisting.
Listen, avoiding issues doesn’t make them go away. If you are going to live By Design, you have to confront all areas of who you are. This means challenging your flaws, weaknesses, mistakes, and imperfections. What you and I will do together is bring the awareness of these issues to the surface so you can face them, deal with them, conquer them, and move on.
When you’re feeling pain, angst, or stress, what do you naturally gravitate toward? Do you confront the issue or avoid it?
A few years ago, I presented a seminar that I felt very good about afterward. I thought I crushed it. When I got back to my office a couple of days later, however, I found an email from a woman who had been in attendance that day. The letter started out by complimenting me and the overall message I conveyed. Her note took a downward turn when I read the words “I’ve got to get this off my chest.” The woman explained I had said something she found so offensive that she had to get up and leave thirty minutes early. She is the mother of a child with cerebral palsy. During a Q&A, someone from the audience asked me a ridiculous question, to which I responded, “Don’t be retarded.” My poor choice of words upset this woman to the point of making her leave. I was stunned when she shared her feelings, because my intention would never be to hurt someone by being careless with something I said. I felt awful and didn’t want to read further. I closed the email and tried not to think about it the rest of the afternoon. As much as I tried to push her message from my thoughts, however, I spent the rest of the day accepting the fact that I had been careless with my choice of words. I needed to own my mistake so it wouldn’t consume me a moment longer. I picked up the phone and called her. We spoke for twenty minutes, the bulk of which we spent talking about her child and who she has had to be as a mother and businessperson to continually thrive under these conditions.
When we hung up, surprisingly I still didn’t feel complete about the situation.