Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [53]
If you strive to live By Design, one of your biggest jobs is to spend as much time as you can intentionally feeling good. You must do everything in your power, every day, to control how you feel, which means speaking up when something makes you uncomfortable. If you don’t practice this daily, you will inevitably keep living by default.
A man I know about wakes up every morning thinking the same thing—he hates his life. He’s fifty years old and recently divorced for the second time, and he feels emotionally disconnected from his children. He has several acquaintances but few friends and feels alone all the time. He thinks of his job as a necessary evil, believes that his position isn’t secure, and wants to quit, especially before the “man” can get him. He has very little money in the bank and thinks retirement anytime soon is impossible. He’s overweight and on medication to feel good but never does. He finds himself repeating the same questions over and over:
You can be both an addict and an enabler. Which, if not both, are you?
“How did I get to this point?”
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
“Is this all there is to life?”
“Will things ever get better?”
“Why me?”
I know a woman, also fifty years old, who is in a healthy, loving marriage, is close to her children, has an active social life and many close friends, and is passionate about her work. She feels fulfilled in accomplishing everyday tasks, is physically fit, and enjoys exercising. She has invested her money wisely, is happy with her life, has many hobbies, and includes charitable goals in her early retirement.
What if I told you they were siblings, grew up in the same household, went to the same schools, had the same relationship with their parents, went to the same church, traveled on the same family vacations, graduated from the same college with the same degree, and even worked for the same company?
Why is one so miserable, questioning his past, present, and future, struggling through life, career, relationships, health, finances, and family, while the other is enormously happy, feeling joy and gratitude for her life?
One had the courage to live By Design, to step up and try something different—to say, “Against all odds I will make it”—while the other lived by default, allowing the circumstances of his life to decide his fate. They were handed the same deck of cards, and each decided how to play them.
It’s as if a wall had been placed in the middle of the path of their life journey. Each sibling had to make a choice. So, too, here you are. You’ve come to a fork in the road. You cannot go straight, so you must choose a direction—By Design or by default?
Phase I of this book focuses on helping you define, discover, and become aware of all the areas in your life that you are living by default. It is important to reread the first phase and identify your areas of default so you can smoothly ease into Phase II, Living By Design. It’s crucial to have a clear idea of all the areas you want to address in this next section of the book so you can get the most out of it.
I am excited that you’ve come this far and are willing to take the next steps to create positive change for yourself. If living by default is a failure to decide how you want your life to be or settling for the circumstances of your situation, living By Design is living with clarity, inspiration, and power, free of resistance, determined to do whatever it takes to be your best. It’s your path toward creating a vision that inspires you by setting goals, creating a plan, and then taking massive action to achieve anything you want. It’s choosing to be responsible and the victor rather than the victim of the circumstances of your life.
Living By Design is the willingness to have things fall apart, knowing you can endure the short-term pain to find the opportunities