Look Closely - Laura Caldwell [106]
I won’t say that I’m fine. I won’t even say that I don’t hate myself, violently, sometimes. All I can say is that I let the swings and sways of my emotions have at it. I’ve become moody instead of calm, unpredictable instead of centered. But strangely, these swings and sways have brought something into my life I’ve never had before—momentary episodes of euphoria. Often they occur at times I wouldn’t expect, like when I get a whiff of fresh coffee as I push open the café door or I catch the sight of the morning sun making a series of yellow rows across my hardwood floor. These details appeal to me now, they make me want to sing in between the times I want to cry.
I suppose to my co-workers I don’t seem so different than I did before. They know I’m moving to work at the Chicago office, and they assume that’s because I failed to make partner in New York. They think I’m running away, but really I’m just running right into it.
The plane lands at O’Hare. It seems days go by before we reach the gate. It takes forever to get my small suitcase from the overhead bin and hurry down the concourse. The rest of my stuff, all my baggage, is coming later.
At last, I get to the arrivals sidewalk, hoping my hair looks all right despite the blustery Chicago wind. And then I see that monstrous green car of his driving down the ramp. He pulls to the curb next to me. I smile big. I feel kidlike and giddy. He gets out of the car and walks around to me. He wears faded jeans and a blue button-down shirt, which make his eyes more deeply indigo and the freckles on his face more prominent. Without a word, he lifts the bag from my grasp and sets it on the sidewalk. He takes my face in his warm hands. He kisses me then, and everything else in the world disappears.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-3680-0
LOOK CLOSELY
Copyright © 2005 by Laura Caldwell.
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