Love for Love [8]
Scandal, have pity on him; he'll yield to any conditions.
TATT. Any, any terms.
SCAN. Come, then, sacrifice half a dozen women of good reputation to me presently. Come, where are you familiar? And see that they are women of quality, too--the first quality.
TATT. 'Tis very hard. Won't a baronet's lady pass?
SCAN. No, nothing under a right honourable.
TATT. Oh, inhuman! You don't expect their names?
SCAN. No, their titles shall serve.
TATT. Alas, that's the same thing. Pray spare me their titles. I'll describe their persons.
SCAN. Well, begin then; but take notice, if you are so ill a painter that I cannot know the person by your picture of her, you must be condemned, like other bad painters, to write the name at the bottom.
TATT. Well, first then -
SCENE XIV.
[To them] MRS FRAIL.
TATT. Oh, unfortunate! She's come already; will you have patience till another time? I'll double the number.
SCAN. Well, on that condition. Take heed you don't fail me.
MRS FRAIL. I shall get a fine reputation by coming to see fellows in a morning. Scandal, you devil, are you here too? Oh, Mr Tattle, everything is safe with you, we know.
SCAN. Tattle -
TATT. Mum. O madam, you do me too much honour.
VAL. Well, Lady Galloper, how does Angelica?
MRS FRAIL. Angelica? Manners!
VAL. What, you will allow an absent lover -
MRS FRAIL. No, I'll allow a lover present with his mistress to be particular; but otherwise, I think his passion ought to give place to his manners.
VAL. But what if he has more passion than manners?
MRS FRAIL. Then let him marry and reform.
VAL. Marriage indeed may qualify the fury of his passion, but it very rarely mends a man's manners.
MRS FRAIL. You are the most mistaken in the world; there is no creature perfectly civil but a husband. For in a little time he grows only rude to his wife, and that is the highest good breeding, for it begets his civility to other people. Well, I'll tell you news; but I suppose you hear your brother Benjamin is landed? And my brother Foresight's daughter is come out of the country: I assure you, there's a match talked of by the old people. Well, if he be but as great a sea-beast as she is a land-monster, we shall have a most amphibious breed. The progeny will be all otters. He has been bred at sea, and she has never been out of the country.
VAL. Pox take 'em, their conjunction bodes me no good, I'm sure.
MRS FRAIL. Now you talk of conjunction, my brother Foresight has cast both their nativities, and prognosticates an admiral and an eminent justice of the peace to be the issue male of their two bodies; 'tis the most superstitious old fool! He would have persuaded me that this was an unlucky day, and would not let me come abroad. But I invented a dream, and sent him to Artimedorus for interpretation, and so stole out to see you. Well, and what will you give me now? Come, I must have something.
VAL. Step into the next room, and I'll give you something.
SCAN. Ay, we'll all give you something.
MRS FRAIL. Well, what will you all give me?
VAL. Mine's a secret.
MRS FRAIL. I thought you would give me something that would be a trouble to you to keep.
VAL. And Scandal shall give you a good name.
MRS FRAIL. That's more than he has for himself. And what will you give me, Mr Tattle?
TATT. I? My soul, madam.
MRS FRAIL. Pooh! No, I thank you, I have enough to do to take care of my own. Well, but I'll come and see you one of these mornings. I hear you have a great many pictures.
TATT. I have a pretty good collection, at your service, some originals.
SCAN. Hang him, he has nothing but the Seasons and the Twelve Caesars--paltry copies--and the Five Senses, as ill-represented as they are in himself, and he himself is the only original you will see there.
MRS FRAIL. Ay, but I hear he has a closet of beauties.
SCAN. Yes; all that have done him favours, if you will believe him.
MRS FRAIL. Ay, let me see those, Mr Tattle.
TATT. Oh, madam,
TATT. Any, any terms.
SCAN. Come, then, sacrifice half a dozen women of good reputation to me presently. Come, where are you familiar? And see that they are women of quality, too--the first quality.
TATT. 'Tis very hard. Won't a baronet's lady pass?
SCAN. No, nothing under a right honourable.
TATT. Oh, inhuman! You don't expect their names?
SCAN. No, their titles shall serve.
TATT. Alas, that's the same thing. Pray spare me their titles. I'll describe their persons.
SCAN. Well, begin then; but take notice, if you are so ill a painter that I cannot know the person by your picture of her, you must be condemned, like other bad painters, to write the name at the bottom.
TATT. Well, first then -
SCENE XIV.
[To them] MRS FRAIL.
TATT. Oh, unfortunate! She's come already; will you have patience till another time? I'll double the number.
SCAN. Well, on that condition. Take heed you don't fail me.
MRS FRAIL. I shall get a fine reputation by coming to see fellows in a morning. Scandal, you devil, are you here too? Oh, Mr Tattle, everything is safe with you, we know.
SCAN. Tattle -
TATT. Mum. O madam, you do me too much honour.
VAL. Well, Lady Galloper, how does Angelica?
MRS FRAIL. Angelica? Manners!
VAL. What, you will allow an absent lover -
MRS FRAIL. No, I'll allow a lover present with his mistress to be particular; but otherwise, I think his passion ought to give place to his manners.
VAL. But what if he has more passion than manners?
MRS FRAIL. Then let him marry and reform.
VAL. Marriage indeed may qualify the fury of his passion, but it very rarely mends a man's manners.
MRS FRAIL. You are the most mistaken in the world; there is no creature perfectly civil but a husband. For in a little time he grows only rude to his wife, and that is the highest good breeding, for it begets his civility to other people. Well, I'll tell you news; but I suppose you hear your brother Benjamin is landed? And my brother Foresight's daughter is come out of the country: I assure you, there's a match talked of by the old people. Well, if he be but as great a sea-beast as she is a land-monster, we shall have a most amphibious breed. The progeny will be all otters. He has been bred at sea, and she has never been out of the country.
VAL. Pox take 'em, their conjunction bodes me no good, I'm sure.
MRS FRAIL. Now you talk of conjunction, my brother Foresight has cast both their nativities, and prognosticates an admiral and an eminent justice of the peace to be the issue male of their two bodies; 'tis the most superstitious old fool! He would have persuaded me that this was an unlucky day, and would not let me come abroad. But I invented a dream, and sent him to Artimedorus for interpretation, and so stole out to see you. Well, and what will you give me now? Come, I must have something.
VAL. Step into the next room, and I'll give you something.
SCAN. Ay, we'll all give you something.
MRS FRAIL. Well, what will you all give me?
VAL. Mine's a secret.
MRS FRAIL. I thought you would give me something that would be a trouble to you to keep.
VAL. And Scandal shall give you a good name.
MRS FRAIL. That's more than he has for himself. And what will you give me, Mr Tattle?
TATT. I? My soul, madam.
MRS FRAIL. Pooh! No, I thank you, I have enough to do to take care of my own. Well, but I'll come and see you one of these mornings. I hear you have a great many pictures.
TATT. I have a pretty good collection, at your service, some originals.
SCAN. Hang him, he has nothing but the Seasons and the Twelve Caesars--paltry copies--and the Five Senses, as ill-represented as they are in himself, and he himself is the only original you will see there.
MRS FRAIL. Ay, but I hear he has a closet of beauties.
SCAN. Yes; all that have done him favours, if you will believe him.
MRS FRAIL. Ay, let me see those, Mr Tattle.
TATT. Oh, madam,