Love Is a Dog From Hell_ Poems, 1974-1977 - Charles Bukowski [2]
tried to get over this affair that had gone
bad.
I watched the tv trying to dull my senses,
but the thing that really helped
was this very long
(specially written for tv) drama about
spies—
American spies and Russian spies, and
they were all so clever and
cool—
even their children didn’t know
their wives didn’t know, and
in a way
they hardly knew—
and I found out about counter-spies, double-spies:
guys who worked both sides, and
then this one who was a double-spy turned
into a triple-spy, it
got nicely confusing—
I don’t even think the guy who wrote the script
knew what was happening—
it went on for hours!
seaplanes rammed into icebergs,
a priest in Madison, Wisc. murdered his brother,
a block of ice was shipped in a casket to Peru
in lieu of the world’s largest diamond, and
blondes walked in and out of rooms eating
creampuffs and walnuts;
the triple-spy turned into a
quadruple-spy and everybody loved
everybody
and it went on and on
and the hours passed and
it all finally vanished like a paperclip in a
bag of trash and I
reached over and flicked off the set and
slept well for the first time
in a week and a half.
one of the hottest
she wore a platinum blond wig
and her face was rouged and powdered
and she put the lipstick on
making a huge painted mouth
and her neck was wrinkled
but she still had the ass of a young girl
and the legs were good.
she wore blue panties and I got them off
raised her dress, and with the TV flickering
I took her standing up.
as we struggled around the room
(I’m fucking the grave, I thought, I’m
bringing the dead back to life, marvelous
so marvelous
like eating cold olives at 3 a.m.
with half the town on fire)
I came.
you boys can keep your virgins
give me hot old women in high heels
with asses that forgot to get old.
of course, you leave afterwards
or get very drunk
which is the same
thing.
we drank wine for hours and watched tv
and when we went to bed.
to sleep it off.
she left her teeth in all
night long.
ashes
I got his ashes, she said, and I took them
out to sea and I scattered his ashes and
they didn’t even look like ashes
and
the urn was weighted with
green and blue pebbles…
he didn’t leave you any of his
millions?
nothing, she said.
after having to eat all those breakfasts
and lunches and dinners with him? after
listening to all his bullshit?
he was a brilliant man.
you know what I mean.
anyhow, I got the ashes. and you fucked
my sisters.
I never fucked your sisters.
yes, you did.
I fucked one of them.
which one?
the lesbian, I said, she bought me dinner and drinks,
I had very little choice.
I’m going, she said.
don’t forget your bottle.
she went in and got it.
there’s so little to you, she said, that when you die and
they burn you they’ll have to add almost all green and
blue pebbles.
all right, I said.
I’ll see you in 6 months! she screamed and slammed the door.
well, I thought, I guess in order to get rid of her I’ll have
to fuck her other sister. I walked into the bedroom and started
looking for phone numbers. all I remembered was that she
lived in San Mateo and had a very good.
job.
fuck
she pulled her dress off
over her head
and I saw the panties
indented somewhat into the
crotch.
it’s only human.
now we’ve got to do it.
I’ve got to do it
after all that bluff.
it’s like a party—
two trapped
idiots.
under the sheets
after I have snapped
off the light
her panties are still
on. she expects an
opening performance.
I can’t blame her. but
wonder why she’s here with
me? where are the other
guys? how can you be
lucky? having someone the
others have abandoned?
we didn’t have to do it
yet we had to do it.
it was something like
establishing new credibility
with the income tax
man. I get the panties
off. I decide not to
tongue her. even then
I’m thinking about
after it’s over.
we’ll sleep together
tonight
trying to fit ourselves
inside the wallpaper.
I try, fail,
notice the hair on her
head
mostly notice the hair
on her
head