Love Is a Dog From Hell_ Poems, 1974-1977 - Charles Bukowski [3]
and a glimpse of
nostrils
piglike
I try it
again.
me
women don’t know how to love,
she told me.
you know how to love
but women just want to
leech.
I know this because I’m a
woman.
hahaha, I laughed.
so don’t worry about your breakup
with Susan
because she’ll just leech onto
somebody else.
we talked a while longer
then I said goodbye
hungup
went into the crapper and
took a good beershit
mainly thinking, well,
I’m still alive
and have the ability to expell
wastes from my body.
and poems.
and as long as that’s happening
I have the ability to handle
betrayal
loneliness
hangnail
clap
and the economic reports in the
financial section.
with that
I stood up
wiped
flushed
then thought:
it’s true:
I know how to
love.
I pulled up my pants and walked
into the other room.
another bed
another bed
another woman
more curtains
another bathroom
another kitchen
other eyes
other hair
other
feet and toes.
everybody’s looking.
the eternal search.
you stay in bed
she gets dressed for work
and you wonder what happened
to the last one
and the one before that…
it’s all so comfortable—
this love-making
this sleeping together
the gentle kindness…
after she leaves you get up and use her
bathroom,
it’s all so intimate and so strange.
you go back to bed and
sleep another hour.
when you leave it’s with sadness
but you’ll see her again
whether it works or not.
you drive down to the shore and sit
in your car. it’s almost noon.
—another bed, other ears, other
ear rings, other mouths, other slippers, other
dresses
colors, doors, phone numbers.
you were once strong enough to live alone.
for a man nearing sixty you should be more
sensible.
you start the car and shift,
thinking, I’ll phone Jeanie when I get in,
I haven’t seen her since Friday.
trapped
don’t undress my love
you might find a mannequin;
don’t undress the mannequin
you might find
my love.
she’s long ago
forgotten me.
she’s trying on a new
hat
and looks more the
coquette
than ever.
she is a
child
and a mannequin
and
death.
I can’t hate
that.
she didn’t do
anything
unusual.
I only wanted her
to.
tonight
“your poems about the girls will still be around
50 years from now when the girls are gone,”
my editor phones me.
dear editor:
the girls appear to be gone
already.
I know what you mean
but give me one truly alive woman
tonight
walking across the floor toward me
and you can have all the poems
the good ones
the bad ones
or any that I might write
after this one.
I know what you mean.
do you know what I mean?
the escape
escape from the black widow spider
is a miracle as great as art.
what a web she can weave
slowly drawing you to her
she’ll embrace you
then when she’s satisfied
she’ll kill you
still in her embrace
and suck the blood from you.
I escaped my black widow
because she had too many males
in her web
and while she was embracing one
and then the other and then
another
I worked free
got out
to where I was before.
she’ll miss me—
not my love
but the taste of my blood,
but she’s good, she’ll find other
blood;
she’s so good that I almost miss my death,
but not quite;
I’ve escaped. I view the other
webs.
the drill
our marriage book, it
says.
I look through it.
they lasted ten years.
they were young once.
now I sleep in her bed.
he phones her:
“I want my drill back.
have it ready.
I’ll pick the children up at
ten.”
when he arrives he waits outside
the door.
his children leave with
him.
she comes back to bed
and I stretch a leg out
place it against hers.
I was young once too.
human relationships simply aren’t
durable.
I think back to the women in
my life.
they seem non-existent.
“did he get his drill?” I ask.
“yes, he got his drill.”
I wonder if I’ll ever have to come
back for my bermuda
shorts and my record album
by The Academy of St. Martin in the
Fields? I suppose I
will.
texan
she’s from Texas and weighs
103 pounds
and stands before the
mirror combing