Mao's Last Dancer - Li Cunxin [78]
The two weeks in New York allowed me to really taste that city. Everywhere I went I made new friends. New York was full of artists. So many wonderful classes to choose from. One day, in a class at the School of American Ballet, I bumped into George Balanchine and Jerome Robbins, two of the most highly regarded choreographers in the world. For me, a peasant boy from Qingdao, it was amazing.
Another day, I remember peering into the American Ballet Theater’s studio and seeing Baryshnikov doing a barre. I couldn’t believe my eyes! This was the man I had admired for so long! How little he was! How could such great dancing come from such a small body? The following day, in the same studio, I found myself standing at the same barre as Gelsey Kirkland, the Sugarplum Fairy who danced with Baryshnikov in that Nutcracker video I’d watched in China. I was meeting people and experiencing things that I had only dreamed about in China.
During the two weeks I was in New York, Elizabeth and I communicated through just one phone call. I missed her the whole time. My feelings about leaving her and going back to China became unbearable. I thought I had made up my mind to go back to China, but now I was wavering. What could China offer me?“ The dance world is yours to explore and conquer in America,” I told myself. “Elizabeth loves you dearly. Don’t go back.” But then I thought of my parents, my brothers, my friends back in China. What about Teacher Xiao and Teacher Zhang? What about Ben and his relationship with China? “They have done so much for you.”
It was in this confused state of mind that I returned to Houston, only three days before my return to China. That afternoon I met Elizabeth two blocks away from Ben’s apartment.
“I missed you!” she said, and immediately sensed my unease. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing wrong,” I replied, but my heart was screaming.
We went to a gift shop in Chinatown where I bought Elizabeth a Chinese jade ring. “For our friendship,” I said.
She looked at me tenderly. “Thank you,” she replied.
My inner voice screamed: “You love her. Stay.”
I called Lori. It was late afternoon. “Hi, Big Ballerina,” I said. “I and Elizabeth, come talk with you?”
Lori’s apartment was only half a block away from Elizabeth’s. “I want marry Elizabeth!” I told Lori and Delworth as soon as we walked in.
Lori gave Elizabeth and me a passionate hug. She was so happy. Then she became more serious. “Have you told Ben?”
“No. I don’t know how or when. He very angry when he find out, because he love China too much.”
“Who cares about that?” Delworth barged in. “Let’s have a wedding!”
“In two days I go back China. No time,” I said.
“You could get married in a courthouse,” Lori suggested. “It will only take a couple of hours. Delworth and I can be your witnesses.”
So at ten the next morning Elizabeth and I made our vows as husband and wife in the county courthouse, with Lori and Delworth by our sides. Then the four of us walked out of the courthouse into a beautiful April day. “I’m married. I’ve married Elizabeth,” I thought. And then immediately: “What have I done to Ben?”
“When are you going to tell Ben?” Elizabeth asked.
“Don’t know. Big farewell party tonight! Maybe tomorrow,” I replied. “Ben will be very angry. I don’t know what he will do.” I had done something behind Ben’s back. Once more, happiness was overshadowed by guilt.
“Don’t be afraid. We have each other,” said Elizabeth. “You can dance anywhere.”
“Yes, we have each other,” I repeated.
There were over a hundred dancers and friends at the farewell party that night in the main dance studio. Everyone brought me presents and wished me happiness. I felt like screaming, “I’m married! I won’t be going back to China tomorrow! Take your presents back!” But I couldn