Mark Thomas Presents the People's Manifesto - Mark Thomas [0]
THOMAS
PRESENTS
THE
PEOPLE’S
MANIFESTO
Contents
Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Introduction
1 Party Manifestos Should Be Legally Binding
2 Shut Down Tax Havens… Bomb Switzerland
3 Models Should Be Chosen At Random From The Electoral Roll
4 It Should Be Legal 0For Gay Couples To Get Married
5 People Who Allow Their Dog To Shit On The Pavementm Without Cleaning It Up Should Be Forced To Wear It As A Moustache
6 Mps Should Not Be Paid Wages But Loans, Like Students, Because They Get Highly Paid Jobs After They Graduate From Westminster As A Result Of Attending Parliament. They Should Therefore Pay Back The Loan They Received While In Office
7 Legalise All Drugs
8 Thedaily Mail Should Be Forced To Print On The Front Of Every Edition The Words: ‘This Is A Fictionalised Account Of The News And Any Resemblance To The Truth Is Entirely Coincidental’
9 To Randomly Arm Oaps With Guns
10 There Should Be A Maximum Wage
11 Windsor To Be Renamed Lower Slough
12 Mps Should Have No Job Other Than That Of Mp
13 If Mps Want A Second Job In Order To Gain A Greater Understanding Of Life Outside Government, Then Their Constituents Should Choose Which Job They Think Would Best Expand Their Mp’S Horizons
14 The Police Should Wear Badges Which Display The Words, ‘ How Am I Policing?’ And ‘I’M Here To Help’
15 As Tasers Are So Safe, Every Time The Police Use Them On A Member Of The Public They Should Taser One Of Themselves
16 To Introduce The 1967 Abortion Act Into Northern, Ireland Northern Ireland
17 Everyone Should Be Entitled To Phone In Work One Day A Month And Claim A ‘Fuck It’ Day Off
18 Everyone Should Be Given The Day Off On Their Birthday
19 There Should Be Separate Lanes For Pedestrians Based On The Speeds They Walk At, Ranging From A Fast Lane For People Who Know Where They Are Going To A Hard Shoulder For Window Shoppers
20 The Daily Mail Should Be Forced To Print The Words ‘The Paper That Supported Hitler’ On Its Masthead
21 To Introduce A Prohibition Of Deception Act
22 Politicians Should Have To Wear Tabards Displaying The Names And Logos Of The Companies With Whom They Have A Financial Relationship, Like A Racing Driver
23 There Should Be A Public Referendum Before Going To War
24 The Prime Minister Hall Be Limited To Two Terms Of Office
25 There Should Be An Age Of Consent For Religion
26 Those In Favour Of Id Cards Should Be Banned From Having Curtains
27 Anyone Found Guilty Of A Homophobic Hate Crime Shall Serve Their Entire Sentence In Drag
28 Whenever There Is A Barney In The House Of Commons, They Should Play The Benny Hill Theme Tune
29 Private Health Companies That Use Nhs- Trained Staff, Doctors, Nurses, Clinicians, Etc., Should Pay A Levy Worth 25 Per Cent Of The Staff Pay To The Nh To Reimburse Them For The Training Costs And Help With Training In The Future
30 To Introduce A Tobin Tax On Currency Transactions
31 All Members Of The Bnp Should Be Forced To Trace Their Family Ancestry And Make It Public
32 All Mps’ Second Homes Are To Become State Property At The End Of Their ‘Career’ (Second Home = The One Closest To Westminster)
33 The Garment Trade Should Print The Age Of The Person Who Made Each Item In The Label
34 We Should Adopt An Opt-Out System For Organ Donations
35 Those Who Peddle Homeopathic Remedies Should Only Receive Homeopathic Medicines When They Have Major Illnesses
36 Ceos And Board Members Of Any Company Convicted Of Fraud Should Be Forced To Dress As Pirates In Whatever Job They Get In The Future
37 Anyone Who Buys A Second Home In Somerset Must Buy A Home Of Equal Worth And Give It To Someone Who Actually Lives In Somerset
38 To Introduce ‘None Of The Above’ On Ballot Papers
39 Renationalise The Railways
40 Goats Are To Be Released On To The Floor Of The House Of Commons (No More Than Four); Mps Are Forbidden From Referring To Them Ever
Notes
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