Mark Thomas Presents the People's Manifesto - Mark Thomas [1]
Version 1.0
Epub ISBN 9781407063065
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Published in 2010 by Ebury Press, an imprint of Ebury Publishing A Random House Group Company
Copyright © Mark Thomas 2010
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INTRODUCTION
This Manifesto started as a live show, and the idea for the show was simple. At the beginning of 2009 we were in the middle of an economic crisis. Banks and countries collapsed catastrophically, costing us £1.3 trillion, which we paid to the very people who caused the problem in the first place, while an illiberal and reactionary Labour government twitched in its death throes and an illiberal and reactionary Tory Party waited for their moment. The words ‘creek’, ‘without’ and ‘paddle’ seemed to keep cropping up. So the plan was this: I would ask my audiences round the country for their ideas and policies to get us out of the creek, in the sure knowledge that most people think they could run the country better than any government and would be happy to share their opinions.
Each audience was given forms and asked for their policy ideas, grand or small, to change the world. The campaigning group NO2ID kindly organised volunteers to collect the suggestions and deliver them to me backstage, where each night I would read every one, weed out the doubles, put those that needed professional help to one side, and try to make sense of the rest.
Then, clutching 60 to 80 bits of paper, I launched myself onstage to discuss the policies, and each night the audience voted for their favourite idea; this was conducted using the advanced scientific method of ‘who shouts loudest’. It’s not the most rigorous method but I never needed to call on UN monitors, as the audience left me in no doubt if they thought I had not reflected their wishes.
Ideas were often specific to the area–Hull, for example, wanted to abolish the Humber toll bridge. In Norfolk they wanted more ‘feral chicken roundabouts to calm traffic’. (There is already a feral chicken roundabout on the A142 at the Bungay and Ditchingham bypass where wild birds have lived and bred for over 50 years. Locals believe that drivers slow down at the roundabout so they don’t hit the chickens crossing the road. This, I was assured, was Normal for Norfolk.)
Not every idea was grand. Some policies definitely focused on the small vexations of life:
Everyone has the right to use a product without having to reference a user manual.
Mayonnaise should not be used as a moisturiser for sandwiches. It has no nutritional value and is the work of the devil, whose real name is Hell Man. Ban TV programmes about cooking, houses and meerkats.