Meandering Mind - Eva Dillner [33]
School of Life
I propose that we need a School of Life where we can learn the really useful stuff one needs to live. I mean, how often have you had real use of the facts you had to learn in school? Do you really need to know all the kings and presidents, all the rivers, all the military battles, or do long division? Well, yes some of it is useful, but how about teaching children (or adults for that matter) how to talk to each other, how to take care of their bodies, what foods are good for you, how to grow a garden, balance a check book, you name it, all the essentials for a happy life. We may be much better off learning about how to care for a house, how to balance priorities, learning and discussing ethics and morality, how to be a responsible member of a community or what that means.
In a school of life we could have a very different curriculum. Imagine what the world would be like if we had a different approach to what is important to know and learn. What if we learned early on how to therapeutically work through our issues? If we grew up with an ingrained sense of our own rhythms and needs. How about if we didn't train children out of listening to their bodies, but instead showed them how to enhance their inner communication. What a different world it would be.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we learned how to care for each other and ourselves - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually in an empowered way.
Fifteen
If I say what I need he'll leave
My friends are accustomed to me being available on short notice, to go off on trips or to come hang out at my house for a few weeks. The writing of this book is at a critical stage, the words and structure are really coming together and I feel a strong need to focus on writing. This is not a good time for me to take a week or more off. So I've had to say, “no” to several of my friends. I've had to say, “it's not convenient for me right now. In a few months, when the manuscript has gone to the publisher, then I will be free to roam around again.” I've felt a fear as I've said this. A fear that my friend(s) will take off in a huff and not want to be my friend(s) anymore. My logical mind knows this is bullshit, but the feeling lingers and I probe my memory banks of what situation this reminds me of. My dreams help me along and up comes a memory from the distant past.
When I was at University I dated a guy for about a year and a half. Let's call him Jerry, to give him a name. Before I met him, I had been quite sexually active, as most of us were in the early seventies. I was on birth control pills for that very reason. Jerry was very good looking. I remember my roommate came looking for me to tell me Jerry was trying to find me so he could ask me out. Her demeanor was very much, “this is important, one of the best catches in my class wants to ask you out.” When Jerry caught up with me, he asked me out, to a Who concert.
We started dating. He was very generous, taking me out to dinner, movies, we went skiing, to concerts and to church. Jerry was quite religious and close to his mother and family, he talked to Jesus on a regular basis. Part of the package was that he wanted to be a virgin on his wedding night. Ah yes, you might say, I see problems ahead for Eva. Well, I'm open to other ideas and willing to experiment. Not until today, more than thirty years later, do I understand the full impact of our relationship and how it ended.
As we got closer, we started necking and petting but it was never a question of going further. He would get a release, but he didn't seem to understand that I also had needs. He would talk about how wonderful it was to ejaculate. But it was always on his terms. There wasn't a question of me having needs. I tried time and time again to say that as a woman, I also needed orgasms and to be touched. He would kiss me and hold me as he rubbed against me but that was about it. Today I would be direct - I want this and this and I want it in this way. But I was young.