Meandering Mind - Eva Dillner [46]
The pupil – teacher is yet another dynamic where power over is much more the rule than empowerment. The pupil is expected to learn what the teacher teaches and give the teacher's answer on tests. Rarely are students expected or encouraged to think independently and give answers outside the box. A friend of mine just completed an advanced course at university, where the final exam was a research paper. The sources she was allowed to quote from were very limited and narrow in scope.
The child – parent dynamic is an obvious one, where it's the parent who exercises control, makes decisions and has the power. How often don't parents push their children to have opportunities they didn't have and so on, without stopping to consider what is in the best interest for the child.
The lover – healer, what do I mean by that? It's when you get together with another, but you feel they need help or fixing. What you are saying is you don't like them the way they are. You come into the relationship so you can help them get well or get over a hurt or whatever. You make them dependent on you. They are not going to thank you for it and they will not stay around out of gratitude. When they do figure out your game they will leave with resentment in their hearts. Like everyone, all they want is to be loved, for who they are, right now.
And that is the dilemma with all these relationships. The implication is that you are not all right the way you are in this very moment. That some improvement is needed before you become acceptable and lovable. In the new world, these kinds of relationships can no longer exist. We have to stop giving our power away to someone else, to something outside ourselves.
By putting another on a pedestal, we are not really seeing them. By giving more credence to another than we do ourselves, we belittle ourselves in the process. When someone else is your authority, you don't believe in yourself. If you feel a need to be an authority, you are putting yourself above others. Is this what you want?
The best therapy sessions I've had have been when I have traded as an equal with another therapist. The best learning comes from freely sharing what I know with another and making a new rich mix. I truly believe we need to get away from the unequal way of doing relationships we have now. We need to let go of winning and losing, of being right or wrong, of thinking “either or” instead of “and.” It's time to pitch control, manipulation and power-over out the window and let in the fresh breezes of empowerment.
It used to be that we read books by established authorities. That is changing. There is a whole new genre emerging called reality, where we read real life stories, by ordinary people who have gone through life changing experiences. This is good. We are moving from a select few having the answers to people like you and me sharing our experience, insight and learning with each other. There is a great equalization happening across the world. Internet is helping change this, it is no longer possible to keep the lid on, to lie to the people. The internet is truly power to the people. Yes, indeed!
These are my opinions
Please keep in mind that these are my opinions. I do not expect you to share them. I do not expect you to agree with me. I do hope to stimulate your thinking. I want you to have your own thoughts. To have your own opinions. To have your own feelings.
I believe in diversity. When we share our thoughts and dialogue about ideas, we can together create a new world. Where everyone is valued. Where we respect each other. One of my pet peeves is being sold someone else's idea of salvation. Just because you love a product doesn't mean it is right for me. Telling me about it is great, insisting I have to have it is not.
So keep in mind that these are my opinions. Read and ponder and sort. Take what works for you and leave the rest.
Eighteen
Results or characteristics?