Mental Traps_ The Overthinker's Guide to a Happier Life - Andre Kukla [9]
It’s especially common to fall into the trap of repetition when the goal’s attainment or non-attainment is difficult to confirm. When we go to the corner store, we feel very little need to retrace our steps in order to establish that we have come to the right place. But if we want to be loved by another, our attainment may not be so clear even after we’ve gathered all the evidence we can. But if we have gathered all the evidence we can, there’s nothing more to be done—except to repeat. This is why some spouses ask for the same proofs and declarations of their mates’ affection again and again. And a jealous husband may literally retrace his wife’s steps again and again in a vain attempt to eliminate every chance of infidelity.
Whatever their need might be, such people don’t sufficiently appreciate the sheer uselessness of their actions. Sometimes the available evidence is simply inadequate for our purposes. That may be unfortunate. But nothing is accomplished by going over and over the same ground.
In tracking down the various forms of amplification in everyday life, it’s sometimes useful to stop what we’re doing and ask ourselves whether our work is really necessary in light of our aims. A good time to ask is when we notice that we’re working very hard and not getting much done. But, except when the stakes are large, it isn’t usually a good idea to try to calculate benefits and costs with mathematical precision. In fact, this activity can easily turn into yet another amplification. It’s pointless to engage in prolonged and relentless inquiries into the value of a three-minute task. We would do better to put in the three minutes and be done with it, whether the work is useful or not.
Often we can detect amplifications simply by their feel. As we’ve seen, many amplified tasks have a literally infinite structure. We are returned again and again to where we started, or one thing invariably leads to another. These labyrinthine patterns of thought make us literally dizzy. We feel as though we were on a merry-go-round or falling into a bottomless pit. Sensations of this kind are a surer guide to the trap of amplification than any cost-benefit analysis.
n fixation, our progress toward the goal is blocked. We can proceed no further until we receive a telephone call, an authorization, a shipment of materials, a new inspiration. But instead of turning to other affairs, we remain immobilized until we can get going once again on the same project. In short, we wait.
In preparation for an eight o’clock gathering at our house, we’ve cleaned and tidied up, bathed, dressed, laid out the food and drink. Everything is in readiness. But it’s only seven-thirty. Now what do we do until the guests arrive? We could use the empty interval of time to take care of small chores that will have to be done sooner or later anyway. Or we could indulge in a small pleasure. But we don’t experience the time before us as empty. It seems to us that we’re already occupied: we’re throwing a party. It’s true that there’s nothing for us to do about this enterprise at the moment, but we manage to keep ourselves busy with it all the same. Like windup soldiers that march in place when they bump into a wall, we continue to attend to our project even when it doesn’t call for our attention. We busy ourselves with the peculiar round of activities collectively known as “waiting for” the guests to arrive. We visualize their arrival. We wish they were already here. We observe the movements of the hands on the clock, literally marking time until we can swing into action again.
Fixation may be conceived of as a limiting case of amplification. When we amplify, the work left to do accomplishes so little that it isn’t worth the effort; yet we go on. When we fixate, there is, at least for the moment, nothing