Merrick - Anne Rice [140]
“Louis, do you trust yourself in her presence?” I demanded.
“Yes, I trust myself,” he answered righteously. “You think I would harm her?”
“I think you have learnt the meaning of the word ‘desire.’ ”
“The desire is to be in her company, David. It’s to be close to her. It’s to talk with her about what I saw. It’s . . .” His voice trailed off. He shut his eyes tight for a moment. “It’s unbearable, this need of her, this longing for her. And she hides in that huge house in the country, and I can’t be near to her without hurting the Talamasca, without rupturing the delicate privacy on which our very existence depends.”
“Thank God you have that much sense,” I said forcefully. “I tell you it is a spell, and if you trust yourself with her, then as soon as she leaves that house, we’ll go together and ask her! We’ll demand the truth from her. Demand from her whether or not this is nothing but a spell.”
“Nothing,” he repeated the word contemptuously, “nothing, you say, nothing but a spell?” He peered into my eyes accusingly. Never had I seen him so hostile. In fact, never had I seen him hostile at all. “You don’t want me to love her, do you? It’s just as simple as all that.”
“No, it isn’t, truly it isn’t. But say for instance that you’re right, that there is no spell, and only your heart’s speaking to you; do I want this love of her to increase in you? No, definitely not. We made a vow, you and I, that this woman wouldn’t be hurt by us, that we wouldn’t destroy her fragile mortal world with our desires! Keep to that vow if you love her so damned much, Louis. That’s what loving her means, you realize. It means leaving her completely alone.”
“I can’t do it,” he whispered. He shook his head. “She deserves to know what my heart is telling me. She deserves that truth. Nothing will ever come of it, nothing can, but she ought to know it. She ought to know that I’m devoted to her, that she’s supplanted a grief in me which could have destroyed me, which may destroy me still.”
“This is intolerable,” I said. I was so angry with Merrick. “I propose we approach Oak Haven. But you must allow me to direct what we do there. If I can, I’ll draw close to the window, and I’ll try to wake her. It’s possible, in the small hours, that she’ll be alone on the main floor. I might possibly be able to go inside. Nights ago I would have considered such an act unconscionable. But remember, you must leave such a gesture to me.”
He nodded. “I want to be near her. But I must feed first. I can’t be thirsting when I see her. That would be foolish. Come with me to hunt. And then, after midnight, well after midnight, we’ll approach.”
It didn’t take us long to find our victims.
It was the hour of two a.m. when we drew close to Oak Haven, and, as I’d hoped, the house was darkened throughout. No one remained awake. It took me only a few moments to survey the library.
Merrick wasn’t there. Her rum and her glass weren’t there, either. And when I went along the upper galleries, as quietly as I could, I did not find her in her room.
I came back to Louis in the thick of the oaks, as he waited.
“She’s not at Oak Haven. I feel we’ve miscalculated. She must be at her home in New Orleans. She’s probably there waiting, waiting for her little spell to do its work.”
“You can’t go on despising her for all this,” Louis said angrily. “David, for the love of Heaven, allow me to go to her alone.”
“Not a chance of it,” I answered.
We proceeded towards the city.
“You can’t approach her with this contempt for her,” said Louis. “Let me talk to her. You can’t prevent it. You have no right.”
“I will be there when you talk to her,” I said coldly. And I meant to keep my word.
When we reached the old house in New Orleans, I knew immediately that Merrick was at home.
Bidding Louis to wait, I went around the property, as I had several nights ago,