Monster - A. Lee Martinez [31]
Monster paid off the sea elf. “No hard feelings, pal.”
“I’m really sorry,” said Judy. “It’s all right,” said the elf. “These things happen.”
He held out his left hand to her. She was a little thrown by that, but rather than risk offending him, she offered her left, and they shook. Grinning sinisterly, he squeezed, and a sharp point of heat pricked her palm. The sea elf released her and ran off.
“Let’s get out of here before you do anything else stupid,” said Monster. “By the way, you owe me fifty bucks.”
The radio doll reported a gargoyle in an attic that was nearby. Monster called in for the bag and gave Judy directions.
By the time they got to the house, the heat in her palm had become a bothersome itch. She scratched it and noticed an odd-shaped spot on her left hand. “What the hell?”
“Oh, that’s just the mark.” Monster grabbed his bag and got out. “Stay here. This shouldn’t take long. Keep an eye on her, Chester.”
“Mark? What mark?” asked Judy, but Monster was already on the front porch, so she turned to Chester.
“What mark?”
“The mark of the curse,” said Chester. “The curse that the parahuman put on you. You shouldn’t ever shake with the left hand.”
“You couldn’t have warned me earlier?” she asked. “Sorry. Didn’t want to make a fuss.” He checked her hand. “Doesn’t look too bad, a minor misfortune hex. Doubt it can do much except inconvenience you for a few minutes once it activates. But it might be smarter to look both ways before crossing the street in the meantime.”
The door to the house opened and Monster stepped inside. Judy stared at the house while drumming her fingers on the steering wheel.
“Screw this.”
She got out of the car. Chester folded himself into a parrot and landed on her shoulder. “I wouldn’t recommend that, Miss Hines. Probably smarter to stay in the car while the curse is still in effect.”
“You said it was no big deal.”
“It’s not. Unless you put yourself in a bad spot.”
“I came to see stuff, not sit in the car.”
“I didn’t really want to say anything, but you’ve made several dumb decisions tonight. Maybe you should take a moment to consider if this might be another one.”
He had a point. The only reason she had this bad luck curse was because she’d done something stupid.
“But if it’s a misfortune curse, how do I know if I go back to the car that it won’t blow up or something?” she asked.
“That’s far too improbable,” said Chester. “The curse doesn’t have the strength to circumvent plausibility. It just pushes small events in certain disadvantageous directions. The odds that the car should explode are remote. The odds that you’ll pick up rabies from a gargoyle bite are significantly higher.”
Judy went back to the car, lit a cigarette, leaned against the hood, and waited for Monster.
“Why did I do this?” she asked herself aloud. “What was the point?”
“You were curious, Miss Hines. Like a monkey obsessed with opening a puzzle box.”
“I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop using monkey analogies.”
“Sorry.”
“So what do you get out of this?” asked Judy.
Chester said, “This body is not my true form. I’m actually a sixth-dimensional entity using this paper construct to interact and interface with this plane. In the process, certain energies, for lack of a better word, are transferred back to my home dimension. These energies, though abundant on this plane, are dwindling in my own, making them a valued commodity.”
“Just another working stiff,” she said. “Aren’t we all? But it’s not a bad gig. I just bought a house and am sending one of my progeny to the Translucent Spheres of Supremacy. She’s majoring in quantum duality mechanics with a minor in accounting.”
“So you’re married, then?”
“In a manner. My true nature is hard to explain in terms you could understand.”
“Because I’m a monkey,” said Judy. “I never said that.”
“But you were thinking it.”
“I don’t judge,” said Chester. “I rather like you lower entities. You’ve done quite well for transient globs of possibly sentient protoplasm.”
“Possibly sentient?”
“The jury is still out.”
Monster