Monster - A. Lee Martinez [40]
The goat’s suspicious snorts drew closer. It apparently didn’t have a great sense of smell, but it knew he was still here. And it wasn’t happy about it.
Monster decided locking it in the house wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. Then he could come up with a plan to catch it. He tried to remember where he’d thrown his work satchel with his identification guide, rune dictionary, and a few writing tools. And Chester, his paper body folded into a neat, sleeping square.
Monster made his way by memory to the other side of the room, away from the goat. He moved slowly so as not to attract its attention. He banged his shins against a potted fern. He’d forgotten about the damn plant. Liz had just gotten it a week ago. She was obsessed with plants. Specifically, trying to keep them alive. Her demonic nature made them all wither beneath her touch. Even a cactus that a florist had branded unkillable had fallen to her care. But she hadn’t given up yet.
The goat leaped across the room and attacked Liz’s latest leafy victim. Bleating and clicking, the goat wrestled with the fern, throwing fronds in the air. The distraction allowed Monster to open his eyes and scan the room. His satchel was by the front door. The goat stood between him and his goal.
It perked up, chewing a mouthful of fern. Monster shut his eyes, but the goat had worked itself into a frenzy. It jumped and managed to grab him. It blindly butted and bit at its invisible opponent. Fangs sank into Monster’s shoulder, and he screamed.
The goat was stronger than it looked, and now that it had him, it wasn’t keen on letting go. Monster spun around the room, locked in combat. He grabbed the thing by one of its horns, keeping its snapping teeth at bay. The goat growled, spraying Monster’s face with sticky saliva. Monster tripped over the couch, tumbled backwards across the cushions. He wrestled with the thing for a minute. He was stronger than it, but it had a hell of a grip.
Monster reached out with his free hand for something to use. His hand fell on a pillow, one of those useless down pillows Liz insisted on keeping on the couch. The kind that cost way too much and constantly had to be moved around when you sat because they just got in the way.
He shoved it in the goat’s face. The creature ripped it to pieces in two bites. White down went everywhere, much of it in Monster’s nose and mouth. The goat hacked and snorted. Its grip loosened and he pushed it away, rolled off the couch, and grabbed the first heavy thing he saw: the potted fern. Sneezing, he swung it down on the goat’s head. The pot shattered. Soil and fluff went everywhere. The goat, protected by its horns and thick skull, barely noticed.
Both Monster and the goat spent another minute sneezing and coughing. Dirt, fronds, and fuzz hovered in the air like a chunky fog. Blinded by all the dust in his eyes, Monster attempted to navigate his way to the front door again. He tripped over the coffee table, which he was certain should’ve been a few more inches to the right.
Monster sat up and found himself face-to-face with his opponent. It sneezed one last time, and snot spattered his face. Monster doubted becoming invisible would work this time.
He spotted a devil doll sitting on the coffee table’s edge. With one arm he fended off the snarling goat and seized the doll in the other. He pushed the doll into the goat’s face, and, having not learned its lesson with the pillow, it snapped off the doll’s head in one bite.
The devil doll’s retribution was swift and effective. Every particle of down and dirt in the air wrapped itself around the goat in a thick coating, covering the creature from head to toe. It broke away from Monster and clawed at the layers. Every bit it tore away only bounced back to stick to it anew. Every furious snort and growl was an exhalation of feathers and dust, orbiting briefly before being drawn back into place by supernatural