Monster - A. Lee Martinez [41]
Monster straightened. It was some small miracle that the devil doll hadn’t included him in its curse. He’d been close enough and just as responsible for its destruction. But minor devils weren’t picky, or especially bright. They didn’t care who they hexed so long as they got to hex somebody.
The goat, looking very much like a stuffed animal wandering drunkenly around the living room, stumbled back and forth, bumping into the walls, tripping on its slippery, feather-coated feet.
Monster checked his shoulder. The wound was shallow, but bloody. He hoped there wouldn’t be any side effects coming his way. The bites were always the most dangerous. He’d known a crypto handler who’d been bitten by a sea serpent and now had to drink ten gallons of water a day. And another who could only speak in riddles after a nasty run-in with a sphinx. Monster’s own condition wasn’t so bad compared to that.
The goat was incapacitated for the moment, but Monster wasn’t taking any chances. He grabbed his satchel, limped outside on his bruised shin, closed the front door, and sat on the porch. A quick glance through his guide identified the goat thing as a crypto rarely seen outside of Ireland. And not often there either.
Monster found Chester and woke the paper gnome.
“Damn it,” said Chester. “It clearly states in my contract that I get—” He unfolded himself. “Wow, what happened to you?”
“Gaborchend,” said Monster. “It’s still in the house.”
“This is your house, isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“Isn’t that a little… odd? A cryptobiological rescue agent being attacked by a crypto in his own home?”
Monster hadn’t thought about it. He’d been too busy fending off the gaborchend at first and too tired afterward to care. “It’s just a coincidence.”
“Pretty odd coincidence, boss.”
“All coincidences are odd. That’s what makes them coincidences.”
“Guess you’ve got a point there,” said Chester. “We should get you patched up.”
“What about your time off?”
“I’ve got a couple of minutes to spare.”
“Uh-huh.”
Chester folded his hands on his hips. “You’re supposed to say thanks now.”
“Thanks.”
Monster found a healing elixir in the refrigerator. The best-used-by date had expired a little more than a month ago, but it was all he had. It tasted awful, and he didn’t get the expected energy boost. But his wounds stopped bleeding and the rejuvenation magic tingled.
The stumbling gaborchend wasn’t cooperative, but the curse of stickiness had grown to include a lamp, a throw rug, and several magazines. It was fairly simple to draw a transmogrification spell and slide it under the blind, stumbling creature. The curse didn’t end with the transformation, though, and Chester attempted to pry the lamp from the transmogrified stone while Monster checked his wound in the bathroom.
The elixir was working, though it wasn’t helping with the pain. The wounds hurt, but he could deal with it. He’d been bitten and scratched enough in this job to get used to it.
Monster returned to the living room just in time to see Chester yank the lamp off the gaborchend, only to have it fly across the room and shatter on the floor.
“Sorry.”
Monster appraised the damage to the living room. It wasn’t terrible. Might’ve looked worse, but nearly all the down and dirt was still stuck to the transmogrified crypto. There was some blood on the couch, though. Liz wouldn’t be happy about that. Or her fern.
Chester struggled with the throw rug. “I’m telling you. Something’s up.”
“There are a dozen crypto incidents a day in this town,” said Monster. “Just the law of averages that some would happen to an off-duty rescue agent.”
“I’d buy that if this were an isolated incident,” Chester said. “But after these last two days, I’m not so sure. First, there’s that supermarket score. Three yetis in one spot. Then there were the trolls and kojin in Miss Hines’s apartment. Now this. Anything else strange happened recently?”
“No, nothing. Except that walrus dog at the diner while you were asleep.”
“I wasn’t asleep,” said Chester. “Technically, when I’m in this particular quantum state, I’m closer