Monster - A. Lee Martinez [52]
“Like what?”
“Like a spell. Have you done any spells recently?”
“No.”
“Did you read any weird books? Drink any odd liquids? Maybe run over a gypsy or sign any contracts?”
“No.”
“Don’t just answer,” said Monster. “Think about it.”
“I’m telling you, no.”
“Rub a lamp? Steal cursed Aztec gold? Behead an evil wizard? Anything at all?”
“No, I haven’t done any of those things. I’d think I’d remember if I did.”
“We have to check you for marks,” said Monster. “If you’re under a spell, odds are it’ll leave some kind of mark on you.”
“Where?”
“It could be anywhere,” said Chester.
“Right,” said Monster. “We’ll need you to get undressed.”
“Wait a minute,” she said. “Is this some sort of magical come-on? Did you set all this up just so you could get in my pants? Because it ain’t gonna happen, so you might as well call your goat beasts off.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, lady,” said Monster. “I’ve already got a girlfriend, and she’s a lot hotter than you. Now take off your shirt.”
She glared, tightening her hands into fists. “Make me.”
Monster lunged, and Judy punched him in the nose. She stomped on his foot. He hopped on one leg, which promptly fell out from under him when she kicked his knee.
“Son of a bitch.” He wiped the blood from under his nose.
“Y’know, you’re really not very good at this,” said Judy. “You should take some self-defense classes.”
A gaborchend crawled out from under the bed. Another stepped out of the closet. Monster and Judy retreated to the adjoining bathroom. It wasn’t a full bath, just some minimum square footage with a mirror and a toilet. She sat while Monster stood pressed against the door.
Chester’s flattened body squeezed under the doorjamb. “Thanks for waiting, guys.”
The gaborchends thumped against the door.
“Not to be too obvious, but we’re running out of places to hide,” said Chester.
Judy massaged her temples. The memory glyph was already giving her the buzzing ache in her skull. The steady beating of the door and incessant bleating weren’t helping either.
“Wait a minute. I just remembered.” She pointed to the note on her forehead. “This thing will kill me eventually.”
“Not right away,” said Monster. “There’s really not much risk at this stage.”
She wondered if the buzz was the first sign of an aneurysm.
“I needed you to remember,” said Monster. “I had to take the chance.”
“That’s easy for you to say when it’s my life.”
She stood and pushed him against the door. He knew she could take him. He had the bloody nose and sore jaw to prove it.
“Listen up, asshole. I don’t know why you think any of this has anything to do with me. I’m not the monster hunter. I’m just some loser who works at a grocery store, doesn’t have any friends, and may be about to have a stroke. I don’t appreciate you coming here and accusing me of… whatever it is you’re accusing me of. If this has anything to do with anyone, it’s got to be about you. And I don’t appreciate you endangering my life and bringing these hell-goats with you because of some dumbass theory you’ve got. The best decision I made in the last two days was forgetting all this crap and getting on with my life. So do me a favor and leave me the hell alone.”
The racket of a dozen enraged gaborchends ceased instantly.
Tense with rage, she grabbed him by the collar with both hands. She spoke softly through clenched teeth.
“I never want to see you again. Is that understood?”
He nodded. Slowly. He was afraid that if he dared open his mouth, she’d bite off his tongue. He swallowed his fear and a little nervous vomit.
Chester slipped his head under the bathroom door. “They’re gone.”
A quick scouting of the house proved Chester correct. The musky, oily scent of the gaborchends clung to the air. The bedroom furniture was askew and there were track marks in the carpet. But there wasn’t a single creature to be found.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” said Monster. “They couldn’t have just vanished.”
“Sure, they could’ve,” said Judy. “It’s magic. It does all kind of weird shit like that. Now get out of my sister’s house. Or do I have to make you?