Monster - A. Lee Martinez [53]
“Okay, okay.” Monster threw up his hands. “Hell, you just had to ask.”
She flung open the front door, catching a tall, black-haired woman by surprise. The woman’s hand was poised to knock. She lowered it.
A second, hulking woman thrust her way through the doorway. She had big ears, huge nostrils, and a long, thick face. Her swollen, muscular limbs and massive upper body would’ve put the most steroid-enhanced bodybuilder to shame. She moistly chewed on a wad of gum.
“Who the hell are you?” asked Judy with a sigh.
“I’m Ed,” said the dark-haired woman. She gestured to her giant friend. “And this is Ferdinand.”
“Ferdinand?” repeated Monster.
“It’s a joke,” said the giant, without a hint of humor. “You’re Judy, right?” She glanced at the photo. “Yeah, you’re her.”
She moved toward Judy, who responded by socking Ferdinand in the face. Ferdinand didn’t notice the blow, but Judy clutched her hand to her chest in pain. Ferdinand seized Judy in a headlock.
Monster stepped forward but stopped as Ferdinand fixed him with a glare.
“We ain’t gonna have a problem, are we?” she asked with a snort.
“No, no problem.” Monster stepped back.
“Good.” Ferdinand blew a large bubble then swallowed it down. “I’ll be waiting in the car, Ed.”
The giant, dragging Judy helplessly along, trundled through the door and toward a waiting automobile parked in the street in front of the house.
“Hello, I’m Ed,” Ed said with a grin. “And you are?”
“Monster. And this is Chester.”
The paper gnome waved. “Hi.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Ed. “Really, it is.”
“Where are you taking her?” said Monster.
“Oh, I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. Mrs. Lotus gave very clear instructions.” Ed winced. “Oops. I suppose I shouldn’t have said that.” She laughed, mouth wide, braying, before covering up her face sheepishly. “I guess it doesn’t really matter. Mrs. Lotus said we were supposed to—how’d she put it?—sanitize the scene. I think that’s the way she put it.”
“Now wait a minute…” Monster moved toward Ed and received a foot to the gut as his reward. Her kick was so hard, he was sure he felt something delicate and necessary pop inside.
He closed his eyes tight, vanishing, as he struggled to catch his breath.
“Hey, that’s a neat trick!” said Ed. “Too bad you won’t get to show it to me, but Mrs. Lotus doesn’t like me out of the house for too long, so I guess I better get going. Really, I’m so, so, so sorry about having to do this.”
She pulled a small red serpent from her pocket. With a deft flick of her wrist, she twisted off its head and tossed the corpse onto the carpet.
“Have a great day.” Ed left, shutting the door behind her.
“This could be a problem,” said Chester.
“Is she gone?” Monster dared open one eye and spotted the serpent, twitching with fresh life. “Aw, shit. That’s not a hydra, is it?”
“I’m afraid so.”
The serpent twitched again and two heads sprang from its neck. It also swelled to double its original size.
“Aw, shit,” said Monster again. It was a sentiment worth repeating.
The venomous, double-headed serpent slithered toward him.
13
The hydra launched itself through the air like it was spring-loaded. Monster raised his forearm. Instead of sinking its two sets of fangs into his throat, it bit his arm. He would’ve been dead right that moment except for his immunity to venom. He didn’t even notice most poisons, but there was a slight burn in his veins from the hydra’s potent one. The fangs hurt a hell of a lot more. Monster flailed his arm, trying to shake the creature.
“Careful,” said Chester. “You don’t want to—”
One of the hydra’s heads lost its grip, and as Monster snapped his arm suddenly, the serpent’s second head popped off. The creature struck the wall hard and fell onto the carpet. It twitched a bit as two more heads sprouted from its missing neck, bringing the total to three.
Monster pulled the clinging head from his arm. “Crap, that stings.”
“You have to be careful with the heads,” said Chester. “The heads come off really easily.”
“Yeah, I know,” said Monster.
“Kind of like