Monster - A. Lee Martinez [67]
“Fine. Sit there. I don’t care. But I’ll tell you right now, if you’re smart, you won’t be here when Liz comes home. See this circle on the coffee table?” He pointed to a barely visible ring marring the wooden surface, and the gryphon focused on it. “That happened because one time”—he held up his finger and waved it at the gryphon for emphasis—“just one time, I forgot to use a coaster. And she nearly chopped my right leg off at the knee for that. I’d hate to think what she’ll do to you when she sees this mess.”
Gryphons were about as smart as clever parrots, and this one did seem to get nervous for a moment. Its feathers ruffled, and its tail fell limp. But it fixed him with a stare that said, at least as far as Monster could tell, Buddy, it’s not up to me. I’m just following orders.
Monster considered retreating to the bedroom, shutting the door, and letting the gryphon have the run of the rest of the house. The living room was already a mess after the gaborchend incident earlier. Any more damage a full-grown gryphon might do was hardly noticeable.
The creature gouged its beak into the couch armrest, tearing upholstery and spilling white foam.
Sighing, Monster found a spare rune dictionary, had the gryphon follow him into the kitchen, then used a dry erase marker to draw the transmogrification circle on the linoleum. He stopped short of drawing the last line.
The gryphon chirped, sounding almost disappointed in him.
“It’s not like I don’t care,” said Monster. “It’s just… why should I risk my life for someone I barely know?”
If the gryphon had an answer, it wasn’t sharing.
Monster finished the rune and the gryphon transmogrified in a flash. He picked the stone off the floor, placed it on the kitchen table, and stared at it for ten minutes.
He felt bad, and he didn’t know why.
Chester would probably know. Monster went to the bedroom and found one of the paper gnome’s spare bodies. It was just a long sheet of paper covered with runes. It’d taken Monster a solid week to write them all down correctly. Afterward, he’d just gone to the public library and run off a few dozen copies.
Monster tried activating the new body. The paper folded itself into a face.
“The entity you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later. To leave a message, wait until after the—”
Monster smoothed the paper flat. He couldn’t blame Chester for blowing him off. The gnome had obligations in his own plane too. Monster stuck the paper in his pocket. He’d try again later.
He went back to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He sat and stared at the gryphon stone while finishing the beverage.
He couldn’t figure out why Judy kept sending cryptos. He was sure their dislike was mutual. She’d even tried to kill him with her subconscious. Sure, she hadn’t tried very hard, but it didn’t mean that he was over it yet. All they’d done since their first meeting was fight and make messes of each other’s lives. Well, bigger messes. She’d even said as much.
So why him?
He decided, guilt or no guilt, he needed some sleep more than anything. Even at his best, he wasn’t much good at this without Chester. Maybe in the morning Monster would have a better grasp on things. Maybe he’d wake up and have it all figured out and know exactly what he needed to do to fix everything. Probably not, but right now he was dry. Some sleep couldn’t hurt.
The house trembled. Monster grabbed the chair to keep his balance. Maybe it was just an earthquake, he hoped, despite knowing better. He should’ve seen it coming. First the winged steed. Then the gryphon. Now this. She wasn’t taking no for an answer.
The rumbling grew more violent. Pots and pans spilled onto the floor with a clatter. The whole house shook with enough force to cause the furniture to shift and bounce. Monster struggled to stay standing.
“Give me a break!” he shouted at the transmogrified gryphon. “Can’t you just find someone else?”
The living room exploded as a giant purple worm