Mugglenet.com's Harry Potter Should Have Died - Emerson Spartz [82]
Dolores Umbridge
It’s frightening just to imagine this monster passing her genes on to the next generation. But one thing is certain: Whether it’s a boy or a girl, the nursery is going to be decorated in pink. And cats—the kids will have cat books, cat toys, cat dishes, and probably have to learn to eat cat kibble. It’s a remote possibility that motherhood might change Dolores for the better, as long as Little Precious Snooky-Ookums learns to obey and conform at an early age. Hem-Hem. Giggle! Quick! Call social services!
Verdict
Neither one of these women will ever win Witch Weekly’s Mother of the Year contest. Would it be worse to have Rita put your whole childhood on a flashing billboard in Diagon Alley? Or would you rather have years of hideous home-schooling with Dolores, trapped in a pink nightmare? Rita might verbally abuse her children in the press, but her Quick-Quotes Quill actually contains ink, unlike Dolores with her black quill of doom. Verdict: Dolores is scary enough to stunt a child’s growth.
Should goblins and house-elves be allowed to carry wands?
No!
Goblins and house-elves do powerful magic without wands, so why do they need them? Besides, the elves have already shown that they couldn’t care less. Hermione is convinced they want wands when she starts S.P.E.W. (Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare) in GoF, but her mission fails because the elves are content with their lowly status. Plus, they would have to be educated—in GoF, Winky swears she doesn’t know how to use a wand when she is accused of casting the Dark Mark in GoF. Dobby sure as hell doesn’t need a wand to blast Lucius away in CoS, or to disarm Narcissa in Deathly Hallows, when he shatters a crystal chandelier on top of his former masters.
As for goblins, while they may resent the wand-carrying wizards, they are already capable of making powerful weapons like the Sword of Gryffindor. Arming the nasty little blighters with wands too would just set up another goblin rebellion, which is the reason the Ministry banned wands from other creatures in the first place. Imagine what an angry goblin might do with the power of the Elder Wand? Society is safer when only humans know wandlore.
Yes!
Why shouldn’t house-elves and goblins carry wands? Sure, they can already do magic, but so can many wizards before they have wands (think Harry and Lily). A wand is just a tool that focuses the inner magic. For the wizarding world to deny them wands and live in fear of them is a terrible prejudice that assumes the worst.
Nothing will ever change if wizards continue to be so close-minded. The magical community ignores the potential benefits of allowing these creatures use of a wand. Since house-elves can Apparate anywhere, and goblins know so much about metallurgy, perhaps they would share their knowledge if wizards would give them wands. It seems difficult to imagine young house-elves and goblins going to Ollivander’s for wands and then taking classes at Hogwarts—but Hermione would sure love it!
Verdict
Human beings have a nearly impossible time understanding each other—much less an entirely different species. There are plenty of people in the magical world who can’t be trusted with wands (*cough*Death Eaters*cough*). While trying to afford house-elves and goblins the right to a wand is indeed a noble cause, these creatures clearly aren’t allowed this right for a reason. Verdict: No, the Ministry has no