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what happened this morning when I woke up. Dr. Jacob said Farrah was up all night sick from the chemo they put in the liver perfusion in Frankfurt. The procedure with Dr. Vogl had gone well, and after she’d spent a few hours in the recovery room, they got into the van to head back to the clinic. She started throwing up shortly after they left Frankfurt and continued for the entire six hours that it took to get back to the clinic. They had to keep stopping by the roadside because all the containers kept filling up. Even the doctor from the clinic, who accompanied them, was at a loss for what to do. Nothing seemed to work. She threw up until the wee hours of the morning, when finally she fell into an exhausted sleep. The good news is that the tumors have shrunk considerably, though still not enough to do the laser surgery on this trip.

I went in to see Farrah around noon, when the nurse said she was finally awake. She was feeling weak and shaky, which was to be expected. Then Ryan came into the room with a bacon sandwich he’d brought her from the dining room. He was so proud of himself. A bacon sandwich! We laughed the rest of the trip about Ryan’s choice of food for her still delicate stomach. Such a typical man!

There are so many different energies going on here: Redmond, Farrah and Ryan’s son, arrived a few days ago with Mel and Bren Simon on their plane; my daughter, Kimberly, flew in from London; Ryan; Joan; George and his girlfriend, Barbara—I can’t call her “the stripper doctor” anymore because she’s actually very nice. And she did a little Botox and filler on me yesterday. It’s kind of made up for her sleeping with my ex-husband. I’m not sleeping with him, so I guess he has to sleep with someone eventually or be a monk. It might as well be someone who’s nice (and who does wonders with Botox). She didn’t even charge me. Yes, I can be bought.

As for my lips, I can’t quite decide if they’re great or not. I asked Farrah if they’re too big. “No, Mick, they’re not too big,” she quipped.

July 1, 2007

Home again! I can’t believe June is over and I have spent the entire month at the clinic. Now it’s back to reality and what comes with it—uncertainty. I’m nervous about Sean’s hearing on Tuesday—the arraignment. And Farrah. I know I just got unpacked, but I have this sudden impulse to run away back to Germany and that lovely, peaceful little village.

On our first trip to the Leonardis Clinic, it was just about summer when we arrived in late May. In the morning you’d open your windows and you could hear the cows softly mooing and smell the sweet scent of newly mowed hay. The scenery was almost too perfect, like something from The Sound of Music.

On one of the days when Farrah was feeling pretty good, we took a long walk through the picturesque countryside. Everything was lush and in bloom, and the ground was covered in a layer of fresh green. I thought that if ever there was a place and a time to get well, surely it was here.

We found some horses, and Farrah kept talking about “what a big ass” one horse had, which made us both laugh no end. The funniest thing was that she was right: it truly was the biggest ass you’ve ever seen! We decided we’d take a picture and make a card of it, and send it to anyone we knew who was a horse’s ass (the list was endless!).

Then Farrah spotted this sweet baby horse lounging with his parents by an old farmhouse. She petted his mane and fed him; she whispered a few gentle words in his ear. After a few minutes she turned around and walked toward me, and together we headed back in the direction of the clinic.

FIGHTING THE TERRORIST

September 9, 2007

Farrah and I left Los Angeles tonight for Frankfurt and her next visit with Dr. Vogl. When we left Germany at the end of June, Dr. Jacob had said Farrah needed to come back in about two months. The tumors in her liver that Dr. Vogl had treated with the chemo perfusions might be small enough for him to perform the laser surgery to burn them out.

I haven’t been feeling well the last couple of weeks myself. I think it’s probably due