My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [30]
During this whole trip, I’d been filming, not only for us, but also for a piece on Farrah to be aired on Entertainment Tonight. During the last trip to Germany, I came up with the idea to do our own footage, so that we could show how great Farrah was looking and feeling. I wanted to put a stop to all the horrible tabloid articles saying she was dying. Take that! She was angry and fed up with being stalked all the time by the paparazzi. They would try to get the worst possible shot of her and then sell it to the tabloids or get video footage of her coming out of her doctor’s office and sell it to the entertainment programs for big bucks. The National Enquirer came out with one headline that blared on the front page: “Farrah Given Weeks to Live!” The article said the cancer had spread to her pancreas and she was dying. It was completely unfounded. There wasn’t a word of truth to it and she was furious.
So we decided to fight fire with fire. ET aired our footage of Farrah looking radiant and energetic, walking by the lake, celebrating at her birthday party, and even having a snowball fight on a snow-covered mountain. Would a dying woman be having a snowball fight? Farrah, always competitive, pounded me with snowballs, one after the other. She was full of strength and verve. Of course, she had an unfair advantage—I was trying to film! Finally, in self-defense, I handed the camera to Mimmo, who had driven us. I got a few good shots in myself, but she was clearly the winner…in more ways than one. We felt that maybe this would shut the rags up for a while, and it succeeded, at least momentarily. Another win for our side!
Mimmo and I are still going hot and heavy. I really like him, and he’s very sweet to me and to my son. Sean adores him, and loves his food. He, Caleigh, and Cher’s son, Elijah, go over to his restaurant every day for lunch, and Mimmo cooks them Sean’s favorite pasta: baked penne with prosciutto, tomato sauce, and mozzarella. Sometimes I join them. Mimmo keeps telling me he’s in love with me, and finally one night, in the heat of passion, I said (faintly), “Me, too.” I’m not even sure he heard me, and it’s just as well because I’m just not sure if I’m really in love with him. It’s great for now, but the bottom line is, I know it’s not forever.
All in all, it’s been a positive trip—but I’m exhausted and emotionally drained. Right now I feel like I want to cry and have someone take care of me—like a little girl that wants to curl up in her parents’ arms and have them tell her everything will be okay. I feel like I always have to be the strong one and take care of everyone else—it’s overwhelming sometimes. It’s been that way all my life. I had to grow up too fast, too soon, and take care of my mother, who was a prescription drug addict and suffered from depression and ill health. Then it was husbands and children. I guess everyone dealing with a loved one who has a serious illness feels this way from time to time. It’s human. It’s impossible not to.
And yet I feel guilty even thinking about myself, or complaining, when Farrah is fighting for her life. I’m not the one battling cancer. Ever since this started I’ve been working to let go of my fears and get out of my head—get outside of myself. During the moments when everything feels like it’s piling up, I’ve been trying to remember the words of Rabbi Eitan that I heard all those months ago, around the time that Farrah was first diagnosed. I need to be thankful, get past myself, and do things for others.
He’s right. There’s no two ways about it. This experience has been truly life-changing for both Farrah and me. A year ago I would have been a wreck, but now what I really feel is gratitude. There is so much to be grateful for now. Farrah has no active tumors and her future is looking very optimistic, my children are all okay for the moment, and I have to surrender the future to God. What I’m doing to help my friend is the most important thing I could do right now,