My Reality Check Bounced! - Jason Ryan Dorsey [58]
Moving Beyond the Education (or Lack of) Excuse
Step 1: Accept it’s not how smart you are, it’s what you do with what you have! You don’t have to have straight A’s to be president of the United States, hold two Ph.D.s to be a billionaire, or graduate from an Ivy League college to be a successful trial lawyer. You just have to use what you’ve got to the best of your abilities.
Step 2: Assess your intellectual strengths to see if there are areas in which you need to improve. If so, get help. No one has to know except you and the person helping you. If your insecurity runs deeper, build your confidence through small successes.
Step 3: If you do feel that there is just no way you can pursue your dream without a certain degree, then rearrange your calendar and get one. Your commitment to attending night school, weekend classes, or going through specialized training will only reinforce your enthusiasm for where you are going.
Step 4: Help others build their smarts and you’ll improve your own. Mentor a sixth grader in reading. Tutor a third grader in math. Once a week, practice English with someone who needs the help. So many people can benefit from your sharing your knowledge. Doing this will also make you feel great!
Step 5: Push beyond your intelligence comfort zone. Ask to lead a big project at work, read a thick book full of long words, or write a business plan for your great idea.
3. The Family Excuse
The vision of a close-knit, loving family that supports you as you spread your wings is a universal ideal. But for many twentysomethings getting along with family is not always that easy and not just during the holidays. In your world, you might have a parent, relative, sibling, or spouse that doesn’t agree with you, your friends, your decisions, or your dreams. He may say that he loves you, but it sure doesn’t feel like it.
There comes a time in your life when you must make the decision whether you are going to live to make your family happy or live to make yourself happy. It’s not a simple choice, but it’s a pivotal one. If you go against your family’s wishes, there will be consequences, but following your heart does give you the chance to live with meaning and purpose. If you choose to play it safe and follow your family’s advice, give yourself some time to see if that path ends up feeling right.
Typical Defeatist Declaration: My family doesn’t believe in me.
From the X-Cuse Files:
Blane knows what it feels like to go against your family’s wishes. He had a great relationship with his family until, at age twenty-three, he realized he was gay. This decision was more than his family could handle. When he told his mom she cried and cried. His father told him he was ashamed and to never speak to him again. As far as his parents were concerned, Blane was no longer their son—unless he changed his ways. For a long time he used his family’s rejection as an excuse to not pursue his dream of becoming a chiropractor. He thought if his family didn’t want him, neither would any reputable chiropractic school. Blane finally came to his senses and is now finishing his first year at chiropractic school.
Moving Beyond the Family Excuse
Step 1: Write down what your family does that keeps you from your dreams. Do they not believe in you? Do they put you down? Do they not offer their help? Then answer: Do you think they’re doing this to protect you or are they trying to sabotage your success?
Step 2: Ask your family, or the challenging family member, to talk with you in private. Tell her you want to talk about your future, and that you value her opinion so much you want her advice. Set aside twenty minutes of undisturbed time. Turn off your cell phone, go to a neutral place, and talk with her face to face.
Step 3: Tell