My Reality Check Bounced! - Jason Ryan Dorsey [66]
3. You are crushed when something unexpectedly bad happens to your first love. Your imagination could turn that experience into a fantasy fear based on the unknown that keeps you emotionally distant from those you most care about. This could lead you to never opening up to another person, so you miss out on experiencing true love.
You know your fears are overdeveloped and limiting your progress when they keep you from meeting new people, taking on challenges, and pursuing your true identity. If your fears remain unchallenged, you can find yourself stuck on an unsatisfying path because it’s the only one that seems safe. You eventually start using every excuse in the book (see Chapter 8) to mask your deeper fear.
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BOUNCED: My fears keep me on a path that is not completely satisfying.
CASHED: I feel the fear, but do it anyway.
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CHALLENGE FEAR WITH REALITY
To push beyond the grip of your deepest fears, you must challenge them with a heavy dose of reality. Nothing deflates overgrown fears as fast as contrary real-life experience. This type of experience forces your mind to see that your irrational, limiting fears are only a figment of your imagination.
With each fear you put in check by challenging it with reality, you take its power. You’ll soon feel a new sense of freedom, resilience, and confidence. When you conquer your deepest fears, you prove to yourself that your mind is on your side.
Go ahead and start putting your fears in check now. List the three fears you believe most keep you from your Future Picture:
• Fear 1:
• Fear 2:
• Fear 3:
A few real-life twentysomething examples of fear:
• I’m afraid to ask the women I like to go on a date.
• I’m afraid to ask my boss for a promotion.
• I’m afraid to move to a new town.
• I’m afraid to start my own business.
• I’m afraid to trust people.
• I’m afraid to show my body at the gym.
• I’m afraid of making a big mistake.
• I’m afraid of going to graduate school.
You may not want to put your fears in writing, so I’ll share mine to show you that you’re not alone. Here are the three fears that first came to my mind when I went through this process:
Fear 1: Missing out on once-in-a-lifetime events with family and friends.
Fear 2: Dying before I enjoy the Future Picture I’ve worked hard to create.
Fear 3: Being unable to physically or mentally take care of myself.
Looking over the three biggest fears you listed (or that came to your mind) do you think they stem from a specific event or experience in your past? Is one of your fears related to a rough time in your childhood? Is one of your fears from hanging out with too many overachievers? Or are your fears more a result of watching too much reality TV?
Whatever your fears’ origin, they grew stronger as you left them unchallenged to run wild in your imagination. Now these fears affect how you see yourself, the world, and the risks you’re willing to take to live your all-important Future Picture. You must move beyond your fears, and the artificial boundaries they create, so you have space to go after what you most want.
FACING YOUR FEARS
Just as I identified the seven excuses that erode potential, I put together a list of the most common twentysomething fears. I call these the Three Faces of Fear. Conquer these three fears and you free yourself to choose whatever path most brings meaning and excitement to your life.
FACE OF FEAR 1: FEAR OF FAILURE
Fear of failure is the number one fear keeping twentysomethings from living with more meaning, passion, and purpose. Fear of failure is toxic to your courage because it keeps you from taking the risks necessary to get ahead. The earlier this fear takes root, the more damage it inflicts through lost time and opportunity. If your fear of failure remains unchallenged, your imagination can become your own worst enemy. You can end up going through life doing everything possible to play it safe rather than doing everything possible to live your most meaningful dreams.
Typical fear of failure Statement: I can’t do