Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey [275]
Mostly, we understood one another. Having proven his mettle, Ten Tigers Dai had been granted the very special privilege of being allowed to serve as her personal bodyguard and keep his manhood. When the sight of him hovering protectively behind her, staff in hand, made me melancholy, the princess understood.
When any one of the thousand dragon effigies twined around columns or perched atop the tip-tilted rooftop corners caught her eye and made her ache with loss, I understood.
I understood the fear that came at night, too.
It happened less, but it still happened. When it did, it would wake me from even the soundest of sleep, and I would rise from my bed in an adjoining chamber and go to her. Sometimes she would send me away with a slight shake of her head, choosing to battle the blood-soaked memories that haunted her on her own. Other times, I stayed and held her, willing the warmth of my body to keep the memories at bay; and I daresay it comforted me as much as it did her.
I had been in Shuntian for almost a month when I sensed that Bao was on the move once more, the twinned flame of my diadh-anam moving away.
It hurt.
"Stupid boy!" I muttered, my eyes stinging. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Perhaps he is going somewhere," Snow Tiger said with calm logic. "Could you point out his direction on a map ?"
I shrugged, feeling helpless. "Mayhap." She ordered a copy of the most recently wrought map of the Celestial Empire fetched from the archives, and we pored over it together. Once she had it oriented so that I understood where I was in relation to the insistent call of my diadh-anam, I pointed. "There. That way."
The princess looked up at me. "He's heading for Tatar country."
"Why…" I swallowed. "Oh. His father."
Her brows furrowed. "I thought he was an orphan."
"Not really." I touched the fine-grained paper, remembering words Master Lo had spoken long ago. "Through no fault of his own, Bao is a child of violence."
The princess remembered, too. "Yes. When we acquired the horses, he spoke of his cursed rapist of a father being a Tatar." The delicate furrow etched between her brows deepened. "Why would he seek to find him?"
"I don't know," I murmured. "But it's the first thing I set out to do when the Maghuin Dhonn Herself laid this destiny on me. I didn't know what else to do. Mayhap Bao doesn't, either."
We exchanged a glance.
Snow Tiger sat on her heels, her expression grave and serious. "You do have a choice in this matter, Moirin."
Such simple words—and yet they opened a door in my thoughts.
I did not have to wait.
I could follow him.
My diadh-anam flared wildly in agreement, making it hard to breathe. I laughed, unexpectedly unfettered and joyful. "I do, don't I?"
"Yes." There was a shadow of sorrow in the princess' smile. "And I will see to it that you are given every assistance."
"No." I shook my head. "No. I think… I think that if Bao is ever to believe I chose this on my own, I must do it on my own. I cannot hunt him down with the Imperial army at my back. I must go alone."
She inclined her head. "As you wish."
I frowned. "It is not that I am ungrateful, my lady."
"I know." Snow Tiger lifted her head, meeting my gaze with an effort. "It is only that… that before you go, I would ask one thing from you. It has been in my thoughts that this day would come. And… I do not know if it is wrong of me to ask it. Because of this matter with Shangun Bao, because you are not sworn to her service as you have told me your father was, but…" She steeled herself, her spine straightening, her eyes soft and vulnerable. "You are her child