Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey [39]
Oengus inclined his head to me.
Mabon played a lilting measure on his pipe and lowered it with a wistful smile.
"Moirin." My mother embraced me, hard and fierce and wholly herself. "I cannot force Her will. Only know that whatever passes, you are my daughter and the joy of my life. Now and always and forever."
My throat tightened. "I do."
Her dark gaze was intent. "Do you promise it?"
"I do." I returned her embrace, pressing my cheek to hers. "By stone and sea and sky, and all that it encompasses, I swear it."
She pushed me away. "Go, then."
I went.
It was a long, precarious descent, and my senses were disordered by Nemed's brew. I placed my hands and feet with care. My vision pulsed and throbbed. The rocky scree beneath me seemed at once far and near, the grain of the granite extraordinarily vivid and intriguing. At last, I gained the floor of the bowl. I took a deep breath and looked upward. Six small figures stood silhouetted in the mouth of the cavern. Only one raised its hand.
I saluted my mother in reply, then turned around.
The stone door awaited.
Here in the cupped hand of the glade, it seemed larger. The standing stones loomed, supporting a massive slab of granite. The sun had already sunk below the mountain peak. There were no shadows, only the soft blue dimness of incipient twilight. I crossed to stand before the doorway, looking neither to the left nor the right. The grass was surprisingly lush beneath my bare feet. I gazed through the stone door. Beyond, the lake awaited, its surface placid. Other than that, the glade didn't look any different on the far side of the doorway.
"So," I whispered.
The grass whispered back, murmuring vague protests beneath my feet. The pine trees sighed into the twilight.
I stepped through the doorway.
And everything changed.
I gasped; I couldn't help it. Overhead, the sky reeled, filled with stars. It was dark, but it was bright, too. Here, darkness and light were wedded. Everything was visible, everything stood in stark contrast to itself. Every leaf, every blade of grass. All existed, all were filled with splendid purpose.
There are world and there are worlds.
Oh, stone and sea and sky!
It was beautiful, so beautiful.
I fell to my knees and crawled. The placid lake beckoned. I remembered dimly that I was to wait beside it. Near its shore, I sat and waited.
I waited.
And waited.
Nothing and no one came. The stars wheeled overhead in their slow, stately dance. The strange effects of the mushroom tea on my perceptions faded. My belly cramped with hunger, worse than it ought to after a mere day's fast. I longed to drink from the lake to assuage it, but Nemed hadn't said it was permitted, so I didn't dare. I did my best to ignore the pangs. As the hours wore on, a profound weariness settled into my bones. My head grew heavy and nodded. I caught myself and snapped it upward with a jerk. And then it nodded again. Remembering Nemed's caution, I pinched my own flesh until it hurt.
But She did not come.
"Please," I whispered into the bright darkness. "Oh, please!"
There was no answer. The spark inside me guttered, failing. I was tired and hungry and alone. And I began, slowly and horribly, to understand the thing I could not have grasped before. If I failed here today, tonight, I would be bereft of all I had believed myself to be. Bereft of my people, of all that made me who I was. If that happened… ah, stone and sea! The memory of this place would be poison to me. I would give anything to have it gone.
And there were other gods waiting to claim me.
Somewhere, the bright lady smiled.
I gritted my teeth and forced my impossibly heavy head up from my knees. "No! Gods bedamned, I was Hers first!"
She came.
I sensed Her before I saw Her—a mighty presence moving across the mountainside. Moving through the forest.