Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey [41]
"So." Oengus broke the silence. "It seems you are one of us in truth."
I cleared my throat. "Yes and no."
My mother froze, then lowered the dipper very slowly.
"I'm sorry," I said to her, my heart aching. "I wish it were otherwise. She… She came to me. But…" I told them what had passed. How I had reached for Her and She had turned away from me, then looked back with such sorrow and regret. About the sea in the doorway. As I spoke, my mother rose and walked away. She stood in the mouth of the cavern with her head bowed and her arms wrapped around herself. I faltered and kept going. "Mayhap I was mistaken?" I suggested hopefully when I had finished.
"No." My mother spoke without turning around. "I've always feared this day would come."
"Why?" I asked. "Is there aught more you've not told me?"
"No," she murmured. "Only that I feared losing you."
No one else spoke for a time. Mabon played softly on his pipe.
"Oh, hush that noise, lad!" Nemed said in an irritable tone. She took my hand in a strong grip and squeezed it. "So She gave you no guidance?"
I shook my head. "Do you think I was mistaken?" The spark inside me constricted and I winced.
"No," Nemed said ruefully. "I fear you have the right of it, child. Whatever destiny She intends for you, you're meant to find it on your own. And as is the way of such things, I suspect the seeking may be more important than the finding."
"How does one go in search of a destiny?" Breidh asked in bewilderment. "Where would you even begin to look?"
"Across the sea," I said. "That's all I know."
"Aye, but which sea?"
My mother gave a choked laugh. I gazed at her rigid back with sorrow. "The one from whence my father came, I imagine," I murmured. "If I am to seek out a destiny, I'd start there and ask his gods why they're meddling with a child of the Maghuin Dhonn."
Nemed sucked her teeth. "Aye, that sounds about right."
I was too tired to think anymore. "Mother?"
"Go to the City of Elua," she said in a low voice. "Ask for the temple dedicated to star-crossed lovers. He said it is small but very famous. It was built for his great-grandmother. If he lives, they will know there where to find him."
"Have you always—" I broke off the thought and shook my head. The room reeled a little and I felt myself lurch sideways.
"Stone and sea!" Camlan leapt to her feet in dismay. "You must be starved and weary to the bone."
"It was a long night," I agreed feebly.
She gave me a perplexed look and hurried over to the cook fire.
"Time moves differently beyond the stone door." Nemed stroked my hair. "You were gone three nights and half a day."
I blinked. "I was?"
"You were." She smiled. "Stubborn child."
Camlan brought me a bowl of rabbit stew with wild carrots and onions. I ate slowly, watching Oengus comfort my mother. My uncle Mabon came to sit beside me, his shoulder brushing mine. He smelled familiar, like moss and fresh-peeled birch bark. "Do not worry about your mother," he said softly. "Fainche is strong—too strong, mayhap. And you have been the whole of her life for a long time. Mayhap she will let Oengus lend her some of his strength now."
I chewed and swallowed a bite. "That would be good."
"Aye," he said simply. "It would."
Once I'd eaten, the tide of exhaustion lurking behind my eyes rose and threatened to swallow me. Mabon and Camlan led me to a nest of blankets in a dim corner of the cavern. I wanted to protest, but I hadn't the strength. The moment I lay down, the tide engulfed me.
Behind my closed lids, the memory of Her presence awaited.
"Moirin."
It was my mother's voice.
I forced my eyes open. "Aye?"
She knelt before me, not sad, not angry. Steady, hands resting on her knees. "Wherever you're bound, I'll come with you."
My heart leapt—and the spark within dwindled. My throat tightened. "I don't… I don't think it's