Net Force - Tom Clancy [113]
Hello.
Guru Toni. How are you?
Why did he have to sound so cheerful? Fine. Busy. The usual.
Whats up?
Im not going to be able to get to the gym for a workout today, she said. Too much going on.
No problem. I have studying I ought to be doing. Tomorrow?
Listen, I can break loose for a few minutes around lunch today, if you want to grab a quick cup of coffee?
That would make my day.
She winced at how happy he seemed when he said it. It would make his day, all right, but not in the way he thought.
How about Heidis? This was a coffee shop near the complex. It was a small, quiet place. They had lousy coffee and worse food, so there wouldnt be a crowd around when she told him.
When she dumped him.
Great! See you then, he said.
They discommed.
Toni blew out a big sigh and stared at nothing. Yeah, Great.
Somebody somewhere had surely written a book on how to tell a man you still liked, but didnt want to sleep with again, that you still liked him-but didnt want to sleep with him again. She wished she had read it. How did you just up and blurt it out? Look, it was a lot of fun screwing our brains out, and I like you and all, but I dont want to have sex with you anymore because it was a spur-of-the-moment mistake and, nothing personal or anything, but I love somebody else. Even though he doesnt think of me in that way. Sorry. So, how about them Orioles, huh?
Toni tried to think how she would feel if the roles were reversed. It would be hard to be dumped, especially if she was in love with the man blandly telling her they should just be friends from now on. That was close enough to the relationship she had with Alex to be painful. If theyd slept together and hed said it to her, she didnt think shed be able to stand it.
Did Rusty love her? He had not said so in those words, but he certainly was attracted to her strongly. And since the sex had been good, he might have trouble understanding. The problem was, he hadnt said or done anything wrong; it wasnt his fault. But no matter how she polished and shined it up, no matter how many pretty flowers she covered it in, it was still going to be a rejection: I dont want you anymore.
Worse, it didnt matter what Rusty thought-he didnt have any choice. It was a done deal, not open to negotiation, end of discussion. So sorry.
That it was already decided didnt make it any easier. She didnt want to hurt him, but it was either cut him off clean with a sudden slash, or poke him with a needle and let him slowly bleed out. That was the easier way. She could be too busy to see him, too busy to work out, too busy to answer his calls. His FBI training would end soon. Hed be posted as a junior agent to some field office a thousand miles away-a nasty part of her realized that if she wished it, she could even pull a few strings to arrange a distant posting-and that would be the end of it. A slow leak, eventually running dry, with Rusty probably wondering all the while what hed done wrong.
That was the cowards way, to stand back at a distance and avoid the confrontation. She had been taught to face things head-on, to move in close and do what was needed to finish things. It was more dangerous, but it was quicker and cleaner.
Quicker. Cleaner. Harder.
Then again, maybe all he wanted to do was get laid. He was male, she wasnt so ugly people crossed the street to avoid her-maybe sex was all he had in mind? That would make it easier.
She wished she had somebody to talk to about this, a girlfriend to ask for advice, but there was nobody locally. She thought about calling her friend Irena back in the Bronx, but it didnt seem fair. They hadnt talked in months, and it didnt feel right to call her just to cry on her shoulder. Besides, Irena had never been a heavy dater. Shed had a couple of boyfriends before she got married, and she was madly in love with Todd. Toni had never told her about Alex, how she felt, and she would have to do that, to put the Rusty thing