New Grub Street [246]
has committed suicide?'
'No!' she replied, looking shocked.
'Poisoned himself. You'll find something about it in today's Telegraph.'
He gave her such details as he had obtained, then added:
'There are two of my companions fallen in the battle. I ought to think myself a lucky fellow, Marian. What?'
'You are better fitted to fight your way, Jasper.'
'More of a brute, you mean.'
'You know very well I don't. You have more energy and more intellect.'
'Well, it remains to be seen how I shall come out when I am weighted with graver cares than I have yet known.'
She looked at him inquiringly, but said nothing.
'I have made up my mind about our affairs,' he went on presently. 'Marian, if ever we are to be married, it must be now.'
The words were so unexpected that they brought a flush to her cheeks and neck.
'Now?'
'Yes. Will you marry me, and let us take our chance?'
Her heart throbbed violently.
'You don't mean at once, Jasper? You would wait until I know what father's fate is to be?'
'Well, now, there's the point. You feel yourself indispensable to your father at present?'
'Not indispensable, but--wouldn't it seem very unkind? I should be so afraid of the effect upon his health, Jasper. So much depends, we are told, upon his general state of mind and body. It would be dreadful if I were the cause of--'
She paused, and looked up at him touchingly.
'I understand that. But let us face our position. Suppose the operation is successful; your father will certainly not be able to use his eyes much for a long time, if ever; and perhaps he would miss you as much then as now. Suppose he does not regain his sight; could you then leave him?'
'Dear, I can't feel it would be my duty to renounce you because my father had become blind. And if he can see pretty well, I don't think I need remain with him.'
'Has one thing occurred to you? Will he consent to receive an allowance from a person whose name is Mrs Milvain?'
'I can't be sure,' she replied, much troubled.
'And if he obstinately refuses--what then? What is before him?'
Marian's head sank, and she stood still.
'Why have you changed your mind so, Jasper?' she inquired at length.
'Because I have decided that the indefinitely long engagement would be unjust to you--and to myself. Such engagements are always dangerous; sometimes they deprave the character of the man or woman.'
She listened anxiously and reflected.
'Everything,' he went on, 'would be simple enough but for your domestic difficulties. As I have said, there is the very serious doubt whether your father would accept money from you when you are my wife. Then again, shall we be able to afford such an allowance?'
'I thought you felt sure of that?'
'I'm not very sure of anything, to tell the truth. I am harassed.
I can't get on with my work.'
'I am very, very sorry.'
'It isn't your fault, Marian, and-- Well, then, there's only one thing to do. Let us wait, at all events, till your father has undergone the operation. Whichever the result, you say your own position will be the same.'
'Except, Jasper, that if father is helpless, I must find means of assuring his support.'
'In other words, if you can't do that as my wife, you must remain Marian Yule.'
After a silence, Marian regarded him steadily.
'You see only the difficulties in our way,' she said, in a colder voice. 'They are many, I know. Do you think them insurmountable?'
'Upon my word, they almost seem so,' Jasper exclaimed, distractedly.
'They were not so great when we spoke of marriage a few years hence.'
'A few years!' he echoed, in a cheerless voice. 'That is just what I have decided is impossible. Marian, you shall have the plain truth. I can trust your faith, but I can't trust my own. I will marry you now, but--years hence--how can I tell what may happen? I don't trust myself.'
'You say you "will" marry me now; that sounds as if you had made up your mind to a sacrifice.'
'I didn't mean that. To face difficulties, yes.'
Whilst they spoke, the sky had
'No!' she replied, looking shocked.
'Poisoned himself. You'll find something about it in today's Telegraph.'
He gave her such details as he had obtained, then added:
'There are two of my companions fallen in the battle. I ought to think myself a lucky fellow, Marian. What?'
'You are better fitted to fight your way, Jasper.'
'More of a brute, you mean.'
'You know very well I don't. You have more energy and more intellect.'
'Well, it remains to be seen how I shall come out when I am weighted with graver cares than I have yet known.'
She looked at him inquiringly, but said nothing.
'I have made up my mind about our affairs,' he went on presently. 'Marian, if ever we are to be married, it must be now.'
The words were so unexpected that they brought a flush to her cheeks and neck.
'Now?'
'Yes. Will you marry me, and let us take our chance?'
Her heart throbbed violently.
'You don't mean at once, Jasper? You would wait until I know what father's fate is to be?'
'Well, now, there's the point. You feel yourself indispensable to your father at present?'
'Not indispensable, but--wouldn't it seem very unkind? I should be so afraid of the effect upon his health, Jasper. So much depends, we are told, upon his general state of mind and body. It would be dreadful if I were the cause of--'
She paused, and looked up at him touchingly.
'I understand that. But let us face our position. Suppose the operation is successful; your father will certainly not be able to use his eyes much for a long time, if ever; and perhaps he would miss you as much then as now. Suppose he does not regain his sight; could you then leave him?'
'Dear, I can't feel it would be my duty to renounce you because my father had become blind. And if he can see pretty well, I don't think I need remain with him.'
'Has one thing occurred to you? Will he consent to receive an allowance from a person whose name is Mrs Milvain?'
'I can't be sure,' she replied, much troubled.
'And if he obstinately refuses--what then? What is before him?'
Marian's head sank, and she stood still.
'Why have you changed your mind so, Jasper?' she inquired at length.
'Because I have decided that the indefinitely long engagement would be unjust to you--and to myself. Such engagements are always dangerous; sometimes they deprave the character of the man or woman.'
She listened anxiously and reflected.
'Everything,' he went on, 'would be simple enough but for your domestic difficulties. As I have said, there is the very serious doubt whether your father would accept money from you when you are my wife. Then again, shall we be able to afford such an allowance?'
'I thought you felt sure of that?'
'I'm not very sure of anything, to tell the truth. I am harassed.
I can't get on with my work.'
'I am very, very sorry.'
'It isn't your fault, Marian, and-- Well, then, there's only one thing to do. Let us wait, at all events, till your father has undergone the operation. Whichever the result, you say your own position will be the same.'
'Except, Jasper, that if father is helpless, I must find means of assuring his support.'
'In other words, if you can't do that as my wife, you must remain Marian Yule.'
After a silence, Marian regarded him steadily.
'You see only the difficulties in our way,' she said, in a colder voice. 'They are many, I know. Do you think them insurmountable?'
'Upon my word, they almost seem so,' Jasper exclaimed, distractedly.
'They were not so great when we spoke of marriage a few years hence.'
'A few years!' he echoed, in a cheerless voice. 'That is just what I have decided is impossible. Marian, you shall have the plain truth. I can trust your faith, but I can't trust my own. I will marry you now, but--years hence--how can I tell what may happen? I don't trust myself.'
'You say you "will" marry me now; that sounds as if you had made up your mind to a sacrifice.'
'I didn't mean that. To face difficulties, yes.'
Whilst they spoke, the sky had