Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [162]
Never coach your children about what to say to a doctor, therapist, social worker, or court mediator. Simply reassure them that they are safe and will be taken care of, and let them know that they just need to tell the truth and let the adults figure out what to do.
Kidnapping
One parent absconds with the children far more often than most of us would like to believe. According to the Department of justice, in 2002 more than 200,000 children were kidnapped by a family member. If your spouse has threatened to take the kids or has significant ties to another country, be wary.
If your children are abducted by your spouse, contact local law enforcement immediately, along with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, (www.ncmec.org), 800-843-5678. If you think it's imminent that your spouse may try to leave the country with the kids, contact the federal Office of Children's issues at 888-407-4747, and inform local law enforcement officials. You should also contact your lawyer right away, so that the lawyer's kept informed and can provide information about your custody rights if need be.
Preventing Abduction
There are some practical steps you can take to prevent abduction and be prepared in case your child's other parent does try to take the child:
• Keep a list of the contact information for your spouse's relatives, friends, and business associates both here and abroad.
• Keep a record of important information about your spouse, including physical description (get a current photograph), passport number (get a copy of the passport if you can), Social Security number, bank information, driver's license number, vehicle description, and plate number.
• Prepare a written description of your kids, including hair and eye color, height, weight, and any special physical characteristics. Update it regularly as they grow and change.
• Take full-face color photographs or videos of your children every six months. Have your kids fingerprinted at the local police department.
• Make sure your children know how to use the telephone, including how to make collect calls, and that they know your home phone number. Tell them to call home immediately if anything unusual happens.
• In especially worrisome circumstances, you can hire a private investigator to supervise your spouse's visitation secretly. This is an extreme step, and could backfire on you if the investigator interferes with visitation when there's no actual threat to your kids. However, if you believe the risk is high, there are investigators who specialize in this type of surveillance. Make sure you find someone who has experience in dealing with potential (and actual) parental abductions.
Special Concerns About International Abductions
If your children are dual citizens of the United States and another country, be even more watchful. Even if you have their U.S. passports, your spouse may be able to get them passports from their other country of citizenship. You can't force another country not to issue a passport for your child-but you can ask. Send the embassy or consulate a written request, along with certified copies of any court orders you have that address custody and that prohibit your spouse from taking your children out of the country. (Also state in your letter that you are sending a copy of the request to the U.S. Department of State, and then follow up.)
If your child is only a United States citizen, you can request that no visa for the other country be issued. Again, there's no law that requires other countries to comply with such requests, but some countries may comply voluntarily.
Anyone applying for a U.S. passport for a child under 14 must demonstrate that both parents agree that the passport should be issued, or that the parent applying has authority to obtain the passport without the other parent's consent. This law applies to applications made in the United States and at U.S. consular offices abroad.
To find out if a passport is issued to your child, you can register with the Department of State's Children's Passport Issuance