Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [17]
If There's Violence in Your Home
If you or your children are in physical danger from your spouse, you can do either or both of the following:
• Get out of the house quickly, taking the children with you. See a lawyer and file for custody right away, to make sure you're not accused of kidnapping.
• Go to court and get a restraining order, ordering your spouse to move out and stay away from the house and from you and the kids. Change the locks after you get the court order.
See Chapter 13 for more about domestic violence.
Staying Together for a While
Some divorcing couples keep living together even after they've agreed that the marriage is over. Often spouses agree to this for financial reasons. Other times, both spouses simply refuse to move because neither one wants to lose any ground in an anticipated custody war or because both feel they're entitled to the house, or because neither wants to give any ground at all.
Because the date of separation can become a contested issue in a divorce, staying together has some risks. If you do continue living together, make a written note of the date you believe you separatedthat is, stopped living as spouses.
If you file your divorce papers while you are still living together, you'll have to designate the date you separated. It could be, for example, the date that your spouse moved into the guest room or the date you started communicating only by email. If you can agree on what that date is, all the better. If you can't, then when you file court papers just put down the date you believe was your separation date and be prepared to argue about it later.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
" Even though we'd agreed that I would eventually buy him out, my husband wouldn't leave the house until everything was settled and the payment was made. He said that until we were divorced it was still half his, and he delayed the divorce for as long as he could. My lawyer said I couldn't make him go, so we just lived as roommates for almost a year and a half. It was miserable, but he did still pay half the expenses and at least he was gone a lot. Still I was really happy when the buyout happened and the divorce was final. I had to get roommates in order to afford to keep the house-but they're a lot more pleasant than he was."
-55-year-old divorced woman
Gathering Financial Information
As soon as you can, begin to inventory what you and your spouse own and owe. This is important not only to facilitate later decisions, but also to protect against worst-case scenarios in which one spouse runs off with, or hides, property.
A financial inventory form to prompt you to remember all your assets is included in the appendix. Include all of your property and debts, even the ones you think belong only to you or only to your spouse. In fact, it's particularly important that you list any debts that you believe are solely your spouse's responsibility. You want to make sure that your final divorce order makes clear that you're not responsible for them. Include anything that you owned before you were married and anything that you think is yours alone.
Chapter 10 explains what property is divided at divorce, and how. For now, just make your inventory. The general rule is that in community property states each spouse owns half of everything, while in other states the person who holds title owns the property. Either way, the property must be divided fairly at divorce.
Your Inventory: What to Include
Assets
• checking and savings accounts
• stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and money market accounts
• certificates of deposit
• real estate (house, condo, or any other property you