Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [44]
• How long it will take. Obviously, the mediator can't tell you exactly how long your mediation will take. But you might be able to get a range of how many sessions are needed in a typical divorce mediation.
• Scheduling. What are the mediator's scheduling and cancellation policies? Is it easy to get an appointment within a week or two, or will you have to struggle to find time to get together?
• Training. What is the mediator's professional background and training? In most states, mediators aren't regulated by any government agency, other than the state bar (if they're lawyers), so be sure to find out how many hours of mediation training the mediator has had (in both general mediation and divorce mediation-the minimum should be 40 hours in each). Also ask what mediation organizations the mediator belongs tomembership can demonstrate commitment to the profession and to keeping up with trends and new information.
• Experience. How many divorce cases has the mediator worked on? In general, what is the rate of settlement?
• References. For reasons of confidentiality, the mediator shouldn't give you names of clients, but possibly could refer you to colleagues who can serve as references.
• How you'll begin. What will happen at the first mediation session? The mediator's answer to this question can give you a sense of their personal style and approach to the mediation.
• Style. Some style differences are based on the mediator's personality, but there are also different schools of thought about mediation. A "facilitative" mediator will focus on communication between you and your spouse, and will help you understand each other's feelings and interests so that you can reach an agreement. A mediator who is more "directive" will tend to control the process a little more tightly. A directive mediator is more likely to give an opinion about how to resolve your differences and to direct the discussion.
• Working with other professionals. Will the mediator require you to hire other professionals, such as consulting attorneys, accountants, actuaries, or tax advisers? This is not uncommon, especially if you and your spouse have retirement plans, which are often difficult to value (that is what an actuary would do). Some mediators require that you have an attorney review whatever agreement you come up with. None of this should deter you from hiring a particular mediator, but it's important to know ahead of time.
• What you'll end up with. Will the mediator prepare your marital settlement agreement or your uncontested divorce paperwork? If not, will you get a referral to someone who will?
Make sure you take notes as you speak to different mediators-and include not only the answers to the questions listed above, but your general impressions of the mediator. After you and your spouse have interviewed all of the mediators on your list, you should be able to narrow it down to a few that you both think you could work with. Then you and your spouse will need to agree on whether to meet with more than one mediator in person. This can be expensive, so if you can choose one mediator who both of you like, you'll save time and money.
In any case, look at the first meeting as an experiment. If you've done your screening and interviewing, you're likely to feel good about your choice once you get there. But if you don't, you can always try a different mediator.
Choosing and Working With a Lawyer
It's a really good idea to have a lawyer help you through the mediation process. Lawyers in this role are often called "consulting attorneys." You can hire a consulting attorney to work with you throughout the process (usually the best option) or just to review the settlement agreement before its finalized. Some mediators require that you have a consulting attorney review