Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [88]
www.soberrecovery.com casts a wide net in collecting recovery resources online-you can get information about treatment resources and treatment facilities by geographic location, demographics, or type of substance.
The Drug & Alcohol Resource Center provides online and telephone information at no cost. The site is maintained by a private recovery treatment provider, but there's also a lot of free information about substance abuse, detox, recovery options, and treatment centers all over the country. Information is available at www.addict-help.com or by phone at 800-784-6776.
If Your Spouse Has or Had a Problem
If you're dealing with a currently alcoholic or substance-abusing spouse, get ready to walk a fine line. You are, of course, responsible for protecting your safety and that of your children, and you need to fight for a custody and visitation arrangement that will do that. At the same time, your spouse is still your kids' other parent, and has a right to see them within parameters that protect their safety. So unless your spouse's alcohol or substance abuse poses a significant danger to your children, you probably won't be able to avoid some kind of contact between your spouse and the kids.
However, you can take steps to limit that contact, and you can ask the court to order that all visits be supervised. Some courts have affiliated agencies that provide visitation supervision, and the judge may order you to make use of these services, which are generally provided at low or no cost. There are private agencies that provide supervision for court-ordered visitation as well. You can also ask the court to order that the visits be supervised by a friend or family member, but that has disadvantages. Trained workers at an agency will be sure to stick to the boundaries of the court order, and probably won't hesitate to refuse or end a visitation session if it appears that your spouse is using drugs or alcohol or is behaving inappropriately. A friend or relative might have a harder time knowing where to draw the line.
If your spouse has had substance abuse problems in the past but is making a sincere effort at recovery, it behooves you to make a sincere effort to support that. Again, without compromising your children's safety, try to facilitate visitation, and be open to changes in the visitation schedule as your spouse gets further along in the recovery process. If the substance abuse was a major factor in your marriage and your divorce, it may be very difficult to give your spouse credit for working at recovery-especially if there have been broken promises or failed efforts in the past. Still, try to offer the benefit of the doubt to the greatest extent possible, as long as you have clear evidence that there's been no backsliding.
Who Pays Support? ....................................................................................................................202
Temporary Support While the Divorce Is Pending ..............................................203
Working It Out Yourselves ...................................................................................................203
Starting With the Guidelines ............................................................................................204
Factoring In Changing Circumstances .........................................................................205
How Courts Decide Support Amounts ........................................................................205
Basic Support Guidelines ....................................................................................................205
Setting Support Higher or Lower Than the Guidelines ......................................207
Estimating Child Support in Your Family ...................................................................208
How Support Is Paid Each Month ....................................................................................