Notes From the Hard Shoulder - James May [45]
The real action begins under the gently shimmering engine cowlings. Strictly, the Crewe V8 would not fit in the Arnage, but with a few simple modifications it slipped in with suspicious ease. Matthew Waterhouse, the project manager, suspects that the original car's engineers were subconsciously considering it when they drew the engine bay. Engineers are like that – a bit of an undisciplined rabble. Engine assembly is now back in-house, where a small team of our brave lads ministers to this awesome 400bhp, 619lb/ft powerhouse.
A few miles on the road are enough to separate the Englander Bentley from the Hun Bentley. The BMW unit delivers 350bhp and 4201b/ft, and an Arnage thus equipped is no slouch. But once I'd driven the Crewe version, I was tempted to say Not so fast, Fritz. It's all about delivery. The awesome low-down torque of the Red Label version means that by the time the Jerry version, piloted by the evil Reichsfotographer Paul Von Dubious, has responded to the order Achtung! Noch ein cog bitte! I'm already at angels 15 and waiting in the sun.
The Green Label requires a good kick with the old jackboot to extract real performance, but in the Red Label one merely has to curl one's toes inside one's best Jermyn Street brogues and the Bentley rockets to 60mph quicker than you can say Good God, Ginger's bought it – 5.9 seconds. It is superb and, apparently, just what the owners asked for.
In truth, the BMW version is still more refined and quieter. The noise in the 6.75 Arnage would cause a few monocles to fall from fanatical Prussian eye sockets, were it found in a Rolls-Royce, which is why this engine won't be making it into the Seraph. But in a Bentley it seems wholly appropriate, especially as improved engine mountings and increased body rigidity have given the engine note a firmer edge and banished the slight lumpiness found in the two-door cars. The Bentley fairly thunders as you push the throttle through the emergency gate etc., etc. Tally ho!
Since we're on rigidity, we'll come back to the undercarriage. I was under the distinct impression that the new Arnage's ride was softer, but Herr Dr Hacken-berg tells me, with a sinister chuckle, that it has actually been firmed up a touch. Torsional improvements have allowed a more precise suspension set-up, which actually makes the ride seem more supple through better overall composure. It proves, once again, that what is genuinely good for handling is generally good for ride, too.
The Red Label Arnage is a fantastic motor car and the best thing that Rolls-Royce/Bentley/VW makes. At £149,000 it is a mere £4,000 more than the BMW-engined Green Label variant, a premium well worth paying. Scramble! Another triumph of British pluck over the white-coated German motor-industry machine, then.
Er ... no. Apparently Obergruppenfuhrer Ferdinand Piech loved this car so much he had to be forced from it at the point of a well-oiled Webley service revolver. It was a true collaborative effort and harks back to what I said at the beginning about tradition and modernity in happy conspiracy. So now, as Churchill said, let us go forward together.
For this Tommy, the war is over.
THE VAUXHALL VECTRA, A REPRESENTATIVE VIEW
Could be on for a new car. The other day, Gav – he's my boss, MD of Vectra Print/Copy – called me into his office and said, 'Jim,' he said, 'you remember tuna wars? Well, now it's toner wars. The opposition are taking cartridges into Europe and we need to regain the initiative. I'm giving you Germany, Jim. I want you to go over there, get a feel for the place, and while you're there I want you to drive Vauxhall's new Vectra. I don't mind telling you this car could play a role in your future, Jim. I want your report by Monday.'
'I know where you're coming from,' I said, grasping