Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [5]
CHAPTER 1
Shoes BAD SHOES, YOU LOSE, OR A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE CLOG
WHEN IT COMES TO SHOES, IT’S PRETTY SIMPLE: BAD SHOES, YOU LOSE. AND WE’RE TALKING MORE THAN SELF-ESTEEM, PEOPLE!
We’re talking jobs, girlfriends, respect. What you have on your feet can make or break any look ... and break your toes. Spend some money and get the best shoes you can afford. And for Gucci’s sake, make sure that they’re comfortable.
Because as much as I love sassy shoes, bunions are a real bee-atch, people. Ending up in the podiatric emergency room can ruin Kwanzaa for everyone.
With shoes, it’s all about quality, quality, quality. It’s better to have two or three pairs of good shoes that will last a long time than to have twenty-five pairs of generic-looking bargain brands. That’s especially true of your dress shoes, but you can slide a little on casual shoes and sneakers.
Why does quality matter? Because your shoes are the first thing that women look at, and women (and gay men) know good footwear. You might be wearing the most amazing suit in the universe, but if you’re wearing bad shoes, you might as well be wearing a sticker on your forehead that says “LOSER.”
High-quality shoes are all about construction, and there are a few basic things to look for.
Your shoes should be made of real leather and have leather soles as well.
The Fashion Intervention
If you’ve bought this book for a significant other who thinks he looks fabulous, but his fashion sense is actually stuck in the Miami Vice era, you might be nervous about broaching the subject. I subscribe to the Mary Poppins theory: A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Doing a fashion intervention is a matter of tough love, and as long as you make clear that you come with good intentions, you should be okay. (If that fails, try slipping him a Roofie.)
And if you are that guy who thinks you look super cool in parachute pants and Members Only jackets, you need to listen to what your spouse or best friend is trying to tell you. They care about you and love you, and they want to help. You need to be willing to accept their honesty and candor in the kind, loving way it’s being offered. Sometimes you think you look great, but you just don’t, and only someone else can tell you that for sure. You need a second opinion. Even I, on rare occasion, think something I’m wearing is amazing and then some good Samaritan—or evil arch enemy—will show me a picture of myself and I’ll say, “Oh, dear!”
If you buy quality leather shoes, they can be refurbished a number of times and will last forever, which is ultimately going to be less expensive than having to replace crappy, poorly made shoes every few months. For those of you animal lovers out there who won’t wear leather, I admire your principles, I just don’t admire your shoes. Vegetarian leather is like nonfat ice cream. Why bother?
The soles of well-made shoes will be stitched, not glued, to the bottom of the shoe. Also, the lining in better shoes is made of high-quality calfskin or natural leather, not synthetic materials. Finally, check out the stitching. It should be neat and should be barely noticeable.
Okay, so now that you know what quality shoes look like, I bet you want to know what styles of shoes you should have. The good news is that there really aren’t too many options. (Yes, occasionally that can be a good thing.) For women, shoes are more of an accessory, like jewelry, that comes in 95 million different shapes, colors, varieties, and textures. But good-looking, stylish, conservative shoes are an absolute necessity for any man’s wardrobe, and there are really just a few basic options for you to choose from.
My Favorite Pair of Shoes
My favorite pair of shoes are brown suede Chelsea boots with a side gore that get better every time I wear them. They were hand sewn and bench made in England. I just absolutely love them and they look great with a gray flannel suit or jeans. If I ever get scared or lonely I hold them next to me, breathing in their leathery scent, and all is soon right with