Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [6]
Shoes are an acquired taste. I’m just going to walk you through the basics (so all you good little straight bunnies need not get overwhelmed on me), because if I unravel the whole world of shoes, you could become obsessive-compulsively addicted to shoe shopping. And the next thing you know you’ll be hanging out with “gender illusionists” and collecting Cher memorabilia.
I’m not going to bother getting into specifics about the vast sea of casual shoes out there—from monk strap shoes and Chukka Boots to the whole slew of slip-ons. All I can say is keep it simple, sassy. You can really get in trouble with “fashion” shoes for men.
So here is my list of the ten pairs of shoes that I promise you will take to your grave. (Notice I said that you will take them, not that they will send you to your grave. Important distinction, people!)
1.The Black Oxford Lace-up, aka the blucher. This is the classic lace-up dress shoe (à la Beatles). And while we’re at it, there is no such thing as a dress shoe that is not a lace-up. The black oxford is the perfect complement to all of your dark suits. Just don’t wear them with a black suit, because you’ll look like a lost Mormon missionary or a Bible salesman. Black bluchers with jeans are not bad as long as the shoe’s not too fancy. I hate to see someone with an overdone dress shoe and a pair of jeans. It just looks stupid.
2.The Brown Wing Tip. The brown wing tip—also sometimes called a “brogue”—is the ultimate classic shoe. It’s a lot like an oxford, except wing tips have little holes punched into the leather in a pattern. Doesn’t sound familiar? Think of the opening of My Three Sons. Those snappy little tapping toes were wearing wing tips, kids. The brown wing tip looks great with a gray pinstripe suit, as it does with a pair of jeans and an oxford shirt. And who doesn’t love versatility?
3.The Loafer. As the Judds sang in their country chart topper, love can build a bridge. And a nice brown loafer (penny or tassel—your choice) builds the bridge from sportswear to more dressy clothes. You can wear loafers with a sports coat (but not with a suit) or with casual sportswear—even jeans—and they still look cool and sophisticated in that Marlon Brando kind of way. Do I have to say more than Marlon and Brando? I don’t think so. Loafers are also very Italian. In Milan, even the cabdrivers are cool. Why? Because they’ve got great loafers. And cute little Mercedes-Benz cabs! Who knew?
A word of caution about loafers: Beware the low vamp. No, this is not a trashy woman. The vamp refers to how far the shoe comes up the top of your foot. I hate to see shoes with a low vamp. They are très cheesy and they show way too much of your sock. Leave them in the GoodFellas wardrobe trailer, where they belong.
The Great Cordovan Mystery
There a lot of men walking around thinking that cordovan shoes—you know, that mahogany, winey-dark color—are okay to wear with a suit. Well let’s talk about that, because it’s not okay.
It might help to take a step back and explain where cordovan comes from. Originally, cordovan was sinewy leather made from a horse’s rump. I think you can probably guess how I feel about wearing a horse’s ass on your feet. Back in the day when people used horses for farming and work and transportation, there were so many horses around that when they got old and they died, they would use horsehide to make things. Luckily, this is not so popular anymore. Most “cordovan” shoes today are not true cordovan; they’re calfskin or leather that’s been tanned to achieve what I like to call “cordovanosity.” It’s a lovely color, but not for your suits.
4.The Flip- Flop. For five dollars, flip-flops are more fun than an Asian hooker—at half the cost! They’re a must have. Get them in black and brown. Then again, they’re so inexpensive, why not get them in every color available? I’m not talking about Tevas here or any other nylon “tech sandal.” A technical sandal is about as stupid-looking as it sounds. I’m talking about a plain old flip-flop from J.Crew, Old