Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [50]
DRESSING FOR YOUR AGE
Imagine this. Would you like to see your mom in a tube top? No. I didn’t think so. Which is why it’s so important to look right for who you are.
That means if you’re thirty-four, it’s time to throw out your college sweats and T-shirts. There are other joys right around the corner that don’t involve kegs, I promise. I don’t like seeing forty-year-old guys wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. I also don’t like to see young guys wearing bowties and sweater vests. And if you’re sixty-five, you probably don’t want to be wearing the latest bikini swimsuit from the International Male catalog. You want to dress your age, not your shoe size.
The moral of the story is that there’s a right look for every age, and you should enjoy each phase of your life and not try to live in another one. Don’t try to look older or younger than you actually are. Embrace where you are and enjoy it. Savor the moment. Carpe diem, people!
The problem is that guys get stuck in a rut. They have a moment in time when they think they looked the best and will just keep wearing the clothes from that era. It’s called fashion amnesia. They’ll decide, for example, that they looked phat when they graduated from college, and so they get locked into that style. That’s why you’ll see these modern day Rip Van Winkles sporting keyboard ties and parachute pants. You’re like, “Hi! Saved By the Bell is long over. You might think you look good, but dude, you’re forty now. Looking like Screech is not going to work anymore. Maybe that’s why you’re still dateless in Seattle.”
Everything in your closet should have an expiration date on it, just the way milk, bread, magazines, and newspapers do. I’ve found that men tend to keep absolutely everything in their closets. And if you tell them to get rid of it, they insist that they “might wear that!” I say, “Really? Are you going back to high school graduation again? Are you going to keep that cap and gown?”
I’m not saying you should look like you just stepped off the pages of L’Uomo Vogue, because most guys can’t pull that off. And if you can, I’ll want to pull it off, as in, “Pull that off! Now!” You’ve just got to remember to update. Find a classic, timeless style that works for you and doesn’t make you look like you’re a tour guide at Colonial Williamsburg.
It all comes down to not pretending to be something that you’re not. Speaking of which, let me say again that I don’t want anyone reading this book to emulate me, although I know how tempting it is. I want you to look like yourself and no one else. Think of it as a celebration of you if you will; a real “you-fest” or “all-about-youpalooza.”
DRESSING FOR THE SETTING
Sure, it’s fun to be expressive and bend the fashion rules, because the first rule is that there are no rules. There are a lot of times you want to stand out and be an individual, but there are also times when the occasion dictates a quiet elegance or sobriety. You want to show off your personal style, but you don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. At weddings, funerals, job interviews, IPOs, bar mitzvahs, the Oscars, and divorce court, you want to dress up and show respect. You’ll most likely be meeting people you have never seen before in your life. So, bottom line? You don’t want to look like a boob. Win them over with your great personality, not your “vintage” Dockers.
It’s all about appropriateness. And there’s absolutely nothing harder to explain than what is considered appropriate. It’s kind of like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s comment on pornography: “I know it when I see it.” But there are some general guidelines you can keep in mind.
Do your homework. Find out about the occasion or event so you can dress appropriately. You’re a reporter now. Ask some questions. Take some notes. Practice the “six p’s”: Proper planning prevents poor performance, people.
Life is like theater—it’s one big musical and you have to look